Honesty always.
Dear Mrs. Lady,
I shall not be cleaning your windows on Julember 32nd as I am having one off. My plans for the day are as follows.
10.00 a.m. Roll out of my pit and wander downstairs for a full English breakfast with lashings of toast and coffee while I watch some gurlie presenter banging on about house prices or antiques on the televisual feast that is available on the BBC2 channel.
11.00 a.m. Have a shower and get dressed to ride my motorcycle to the seaside. Have a blast but strictly adhering to all speed limits (yeh right) through the English countryside.
1.00 p.m. Arrive at Weston-superior-Mud at for a saunter along the pier and a light gamble on shove-ha'penny and the slot machines.
2.00 p.m Quaff a few jars of lemonade (yeh right) and grab a bag of chips to eat sitting on the sea wall staring out at the expanse of mud towards Tosh's house in Chepstow.
2.30 p.m. Using the 20p telescope on the promenade I espy Tosh taking photos of Wor Lass (or is it Jen the bunny-boiler?) in rather compromising circumstances until the shutter goes down and I haven't any 20p's left.
3.00 p.m Use the slot machines to try and win some 20p's to use the telescope again. Fail.
3.30 p.m Ride home and crash out on the sofa from all that sun, sea and soda pop.
5.30 p.m. Have tea. (Boiled potatoes, lamb and 2 veg with gravy and mint sauce followed by salted caramel ice cream.)
Due to the above I cannot clean your windows today.
Yours truly,
Paul Wibble
Window Cleaner to the Gentry