[Ivar_Haglund]

Customers home and I ask

when is the baby due? :

Customer says " I'm not  Pregnant"  :-/


OPPS


IVAR

[Col Foster]

Yeah, been there before, her reply was, I had the baby 14 weeks ago
Col F

[Derek]

Scenario...

Talking to Mr customer about the job I was about to do.

Movement could be heard in room upstairs.

The subject of drying times arose and I said "the carpet may still be slightly damp and he could take his wife out for a nice evening out"

Door opened and his male partner appeared.... where's the hole in the floor when you need one?

Derek

[strakercleaning]

Did a job for client last week who was living in at new address since i saw her last year. House was similar size as last one and no more than 500 yards from the old one    I ask her " what has this house got that is different from the last one ?"
NO HUSBAND was her reply
Appears that he is living happily with lady who is "8 years younger and paid a fortune for her t*ts" :
I do love to hear of seperations without bitterness :-/

[Alex]

I once offered a lady my chair as she was pregnant, I got a slap

I left for another pub before the rest of the girls got to grips with me.

[Fintan_Coll]

Once said to a lady " Is this your grand child", a little girl of around two years was playing in the kitchen. "No" said the lady, its my daughter.

[Kinver_Clean]

"And hows your husband nowadays?"

"He has died, we are having the carpets cleaned for the wake"

[Cloverleaf]

Passed wind today infront of a customer , it just slipped out!
Sooooooo embarased but only human.

[Big_Fish]

Asked customer where her husband used to work before he retired.
She said he was still in full time work and only 41

(He looked nearer 70)

[woodman]

                                 

                                                      I Do

 

[Don Atkinson]

Can you help me find the soap!!

don

[paulchambers]

I did a course on washing machine repairs by a guy called graham nixon who writes hayes manuals on appliances repairs, anyway he told me a great story about a women in his village whos washing machine had broken down.

he said he would look at it on his way home that evening, when he got there she thanked him for looking at it and was concerned it was his tea time and said said its your tea time i'm about to have mine and i'll make your some  to be polite he accepted,

she brought in a big roast diner and placed it on the table him beening hungry tucked in after a hard day at work she then brought in a sandwich

[ian richards]

I was speaking to a lady customer on my Birthday a few weeks ago, she asked me my age and i said 45, but i felt great for it, so much better than i did when i became 40 and she said  "i'm dreading becoming 40"  i looked at her in amazement and said, your not nearly 40 are you? of which she replied  "i'm not even 30 yet"  

[Phil Marlor]

Did a job for a regular some time ago (she is about 50)and she had her old School friend with her in the house who looked much older.

Like a complete pratt I said is this your Mum??

Her husband just could not stop laughing.

Phil

[paul@scc]

I said i do and biggest mistake ever

[Shaun_Ashmore]

if you get to the church and say 'I don't' that would be the biggest and last mistake you'll ever make!

Shaun

[doug@munters]

few months ago enquired if customer minded if i could use her bathroom to was my "baws"...of course i meant wash my paws luckily customer saw the funny side

[Michel Roberts]

True Story

A good friend of mine asked his wife what she would like for their 25th wedding anerversey she replied quite seriously "A devorce"

Without thinking and before he could stop himself he replied
" I was thinking of something a little less expensive"


Michel

[strakercleaning]

I LOVE YOU 

[Dynafoam]

CHRIS !!!!

And I thought you meant it