[Tosh]

Where can you get trained as a chimney sweep? I'm dead serious, the local sweep is now charging £50 per pot,

Mine charges me £30; you're getting ripped off.

And at your age, 75-years-old, your far too gone to retrain too.  Just stick with polishing those windows with your chammy; like what a French Polisher does.  I know your type!

However, if you really do want to be a chimney sweep, get one of your kids, the smallest one to do it; send him/her up it and Bob's your Granny; you'll be coining it in.

Next...

[Tosh]

Does one service, cleaning that is, have a higher mark up on average. e.g

Gerard 

Dear Gerard,

Maybe, maybe not. 

But as a general rule I would suggest you don't make the mistake of working extra hard in providing a class result in hope that you get a nice 'pat on the back', and a bottle of cheap red wine at Christmas from your customers.

The difference between performing at 'exceeds expectations' level versus 'meets expectations' is likely to be about two-percent-per-clean-per-year!

Mathematically speaking, in the long run, you're much better off doing a shoddy job (ie 'meets expectations'); it makes sense financially.

Next...

[Tosh]

Buy you're sweeping gear from screwfix buy a small vacuum cleaner and away you go, like w/c its not rocket science.

The windows on the Space Shuttle are actually made out of aluminum silicate glass and fused silica glass. The orbiter windows are actually three different panes, there's an interior pressure pane because the pressure inside the orbiter is a lot higher than it is in the vacuum of space.

We also have an optical pane that's installed in the middle that's about three and a half inches thick and on the outside, there's a thermal pane that protects the inside of the cockpit from the high heats of ascent and reentry.

There are six forward-looking windows, three on the CDR (Commander) side and three on the PLT (Pilot) side. There are two overhead windows that the crew out of especially when docking to the Space Station they're using those windows to watch the orbiter approach the Space Station. And then there are two windows on the aft that look into the payload bay, and depending on our hatch configuration on the inside, there can be anywhere from one to two additional windows, they're small holes that are installed inside the hatches so you can look through hatch windows. And the side hatch, the emergency egress hatch, has a small hatch window as well.

They're all made of the same materials. The forward windows - the ones that the crew actually uses for ascent and entry - are the ones we have to take really good care of in order to maintain the optical quality of them, so we use the best trained window cleaners.

Ewan,

Are you posting in the wrong thread or have the drugs taken effect?

[Tosh]

Ewan,

Sorry, I didn't understand your post.  I thought you'd been taking drugs or something.

Anyway, isn't it your bedtime now?

But before you go, have you got a question for Uncle Tosh?

[Tosh]

There's only a few windows at the front; two-minutes work with a WFP; so about a fiver...

[Tosh]

Next...

[jeff1]

What happened to Jeff1's lack of hair and success question?

Ian_Giles, you git, I have a valid - work related - answer to it; I can't believe you deleted his post; especially while I was formulating the answer while eating dinnner!

Wor Lass was asking me - in-between chomping on her pasta - what was on my mind (my blank expression must've gave her the impression I was thinking about something), and I couldn't tell her the truth, 'Er, Jeff1's hair'.

So I just said, 'Winda cleaning stuff'.

That shut her up!

Jeff, if you want to re-ask your question, you're quite welcome too.

Tosh
Will I earn more money because I'm bald  
Or would I earn even more if I worked for Roger  

[Paul Coleman]

To stay on topic, what would you say is a decent price for cleaning the space shuttle’s windows?

On Earth or in flight?

[pjulk]

Right Tosh i have one for you.

Whats the best way of keep my grannies happy and hopefully paying more.

Pole or hand job

[Tosh]

Tosh
Will I earn more money because I'm bald  
Or would I earn even more if I worked for Roger  

Dear Jeff1,

This is one of those 'firstly' and 'secondly' answers; so I'll firstly start with your 'hair' question.

It's a well known fact that when the economy is slow, all the best paid window cleaning jobs are taken by people with great hair; I've just won a nice contract on the basis of having good hair.  

The baldies are forced to scramble for the crumbs.  But in the current economic down-turn, there aren't enough pretty-haired people to get all the best accounts; therefore if you're bald and competing with other shiny-headed window cleaners, you'll have to rely on humour to have the edge on your folically challenged rivals.

Humour can be a tie-breaker for people whose hair; or rather lack of; has limited 'quality-account-attracting' potential.

Secondly, Squeaks isn't just balding; he's wee-smelling-ging-ger and balding.  Do I need to say more?

[Tosh]

To stay on topic, what would you say is a decent price for cleaning the space shuttle’s windows?

On Earth or in flight?

In flight would count as an 'access issue' so I'd add another quid on top of the fiver.

[Tosh]

Cheers bud, but I don’t think that will “boost” my income.

Then try taking some speed instead of what-ever drugs you took this evening.  You'll be a 'Billy-Whizz' with that squeegie and your income will surely be boosted.

[Tosh]

Right Tosh i have one for you.

Whats the best way of keep my grannies happy and hopefully paying more.

Pole or hand job

I think that depends on a number of factors; there's never an easy answer to this commonly asked question.

Factor 1.   How big is your pole and how ridgid is it?  Not many grannies like the small floppy type poles.

Factor 2.   How good are you doing the job by hand and what size squeegie do you use?

Obviously size is a major factor in both methods.

Personally, Wor Lass prefers the pole; but sometimes likes it done by hand; depending on what area she's concentrating on.

I guess you've just got to be more 'customer focussed'!

Next...

[pjulk]

 

[jeff1]

Tosh
Will I earn more money because I'm bald  
Or would I earn even more if I worked for Roger  

Dear Jeff1,

This is one of those 'firstly' and 'secondly' answers; so I'll firstly start with your 'hair' question.

It's a well known fact that when the economy is slow, all the best paid window cleaning jobs are taken by people with great hair; I've just won a nice contract on the basis of having good hair.  

The baldies are forced to scramble for the crumbs.  But in the current economic down-turn, there aren't enough pretty-haired people to get all the best accounts; therefore if you're bald and competing with other shiny-headed window cleaners, you'll have to rely on humour to have the edge on your folically challenged rivals.

Humour can be a tie-breaker for people whose hair; or rather lack of; has limited 'quality-account-attracting' potential.

Secondly, Squeaks isn't just balding; he's wee-smelling-ging-ger and balding.  Do I need to say more?

Ah ha I see
But doesn't having a baldy head class me as a high quality professional shiner having a highly polished head and well trimmed edgeing keeps me just one step ahead of anyone with slant eye's and buck teeth and that speaks with a geordie accent    

I must Just have the edge over Squeaks because mine is silver grey and smells of axle grease.
Next 

[jeff1]

Right Tosh i have one for you.

Whats the best way of keep my grannies happy and hopefully paying more.

Pole or hand job

I think that depends on a number of factors; there's never an easy answer to this commonly asked question.

Factor 1.   How big is your pole and how ridgid is it?  Not many grannies like the small floppy type poles.

Factor 2.   How good are you doing the job by hand and what size squeegie do you use?

Obviously size is a major factor in both methods.

Personally, Wor Lass prefers the pole; but sometimes likes it done by hand; depending on what area she's concentrating on.

I guess you've just got to be more 'customer focussed'!

Next...

classic 

[Tosh]

keeps me just one step ahead of anyone with slant eye's and buck teeth and that speaks with a geordie accent    

I can't have buck teeth; though you're right about the rest. 

You do know I'm missing my front teeth?  They were kicked out by A Troop, 9 Squadron!  I may have been gobbing off to them after a few beers!?

Believe it or not!

------------------------------------------

Anyway, C'mon, ask Tosh and Boost Your Income (before Wor Lass forces me into bed with a crowbar).

[Tosh]

Crowbarred! 

[garyj]

Due to aerodynamics can bald window cleaners climb ladders faster than one with a load of hair?

[Tosh]

Due to aerodynamics can bald window cleaners climb ladders faster than one with a load of hair?

Yes.

Next...