Pricing windows:
Well Mrs Shoddy-Gaff, thank you for asking us to offer you a price for cleaning your windows on a regular basis.
The cost to clean your windows will be £44.00 per calendar month.
However as our visiting frequency for your property will be approximately 6 weekly the actual charge for cleaning your windows will be £66.00.
Lets not forget the dread Vodka and Tonic shall we - 20% of £66.00 is £13.20, therefore your total charge will be £109.20 - this includes all costs and extras we are liable for, we'll round it down to £115.00 shall we, for cash?
So, Mrs Shoddy-Gaff, I feel its important you are educated in the manner within which we have managed to offer you a price to clean your windows, a very competitive price too I might add (so long as you are a mug Mrs SG). Firstly your property consists of 8 regular sized windows, although some being leaded, we are therefore unfortunately obliged to add a supplement of £2.00 per window for these particular ones. You also happen to have a sliding set of patio doors, these also attract a premium for reasons as yet unknown to me, but we'll tack it on anyway, what! It seems the rear of your property is secured by a bolted and padlocked side-gate. We will therefore have to text you the night before to ensure we can gain access to the rear of your property, not wanting to turn up and not be able to clean the entire property you understand. The charge for this service is £5.00. Also one of your windows is above a flat-roof garage. This will require us having to remove our extending ladder from the roof of our works vehicle to be able to access this particular window, the charge for this is £10.00.
Also we charge for turning up, as you have opted for the 'leave windows in situ' level of service we offer. May I take this opportunity to remind you that if you choose to remove your windows from the house and deliver them to our yard we can offer a 10% discount. The charge for turning up is £15.00.
I trust you are satisfied with our quote and look forward to doing business with you - when I say 'business' I mean diddling you.
Would you like us to do them now? Lovely, cash would be marvellous!