I got cancelled today ... a cracker.
This is a "steel house" slung up after the war, ex-council semi that you can't get a mortgage on. It's one on it's own as far as my round is concerned at the Avonmouth end of the Portway A4 which I drive past often and I have semi-trained her but not enough obviously.
It's a "recommend" from her friend that I have cleaned for years and who lives about a mile away. I charged £13 every 8 weeks.
She usually phones at the 7 week point (I don't phone my custies) to ask me when I'm going so she can be in. No probs for about a year and a half, even sucked her gutters out and cleaned them too.
Anyhoo ...
I get there about 3.30pm today and having not received a call I clean it anyway and use my gate ladder to access the back.
4.00 my mobile goes, I'm driving and a message is left saying (no name) ring me on XYZ. I ignore it - no name no answer.
Get home about 4.15 message left on home phone to ring.
I ring and get both barrels - (shortened version)
I don't want you climbing over my gate, I told you that if I'm not in not to do them (like I'm ever gonna accept those terms ...) I'm livid ... there's them gypsies parked opposite (under the M5 motorway bridge - nice area, they probably raise the tone of the locale) and if they see I'm not in they might break in!
Me (deciding this one is going but I'll get my money if I can): Why would gypsies want to break in to your house?
Mrs W: They'll see I'm out if you climb over.
Me: Well the delivery man has slung a package over your gate (metal open railings) for them to see and that hasn't tempted them or me has it?
Mrs W: That's not the point! Why did you do it?
Me: Many of my customers want there windows cleaned when they are out and understand that I can access the back; indeed Mrs W, some of them give me a key or the code to the combination lock but no matter I just thought what would I want if my window cleaner called and I wasn't home and I thought I'd be really pleased he showed the initiative to shine my windows for me. And as I was there 8 weeks to the day, regular as always I thought you might appreciate my efforts, but sadly not.
Mrs W: Well I don't want you climbing over.
Me: But if it's my safety you are worried about, rest assured that the breeze block plinth you have had built is so sturdy you could put the Statue of Liberty on it. It's almost Brunellian in it's stature ... (It really is massive - four breeze blocks on their side in a solid rectangle about 2.4 metres high.)
Mrs W: I'm not worried about safety, that's your look out, I just don't want you climbing over. (afterthought) and there's no need to be sarcastic. (she's got me there)
Me: Ah, I guessed as much, so what do you want me to do?
Mrs W: What reassurance can you give me?
Me: That I'll give you top service; all I ask for in return is reasonableness and prompt payment, how do you wish to do that - on-line or send me a cheque?
Mrs W: I'll pay you over the internet but I'm going to cancel your service; I am the customer and I have the right!
Me: You do indeed; I look forward to your prompt payment forthwith and I'll remove you from my books.
Mrs W: Oh, I'll pay you but I don't want you climbing over my gate.
Me: (Naughtily) I've gathered that - it's the gypsies isn't it? Now perhaps you'll recommend my service to others?
Mrs W: (Click)