[AuRavelling79]

My new business - IMPACT WIV a bit of 4" x 3" - starts in the new year!

If you have any prospective employees who need a bit of training in window cleaning we are here for you.

We are called IMPACT WIV 4"x 3" because that is how thick they'd have to be not to be able to learn how to clean windows safely from a half day out with you on the glass. If they really are that thick than they are obviously thicker than a bit of 4x2 hence 4x3.

Here is the one day course details.

Send me £400 in used twenties nuff said.

9 am Gather round the coffee machine and meet the boss and have a light chat over coffee and digestives.

9.30 Using the right ladder the right way up

Ensure your staff use the one with the stiles on the sides and the feet at the bottom.

10.30

Lean ladder against the correct wall at the correct angle. (We can supply a spirit level and plumb weight for just £50)

11.00

Coffee and comfort Break

11.30

Paint your ladder. Which paint to use to cover a multitude of sins. Don't - it's illegal.

12.30

Light Luncheon (cuz we're true business people and we'll give you a brochure outlining our NVQ (Not Very Quick) course in marketing and how to use internet forums to your best advantage.

1.30

An introduction to our partners Eyekronikswanadex who do not give us any money in any way to recommend that you spend your redundancy on a gold plated system or insurance from them.

2.30

Producing your own Susstifkit - how to produce a quality certificate in Window Cleaning Performance and Procedures in league with the Dept of More Money than Sense to show your prospective custies as to how seriously you take window cleaning and yourself.

3.30

Sueing Naysayers with help from Wiki.

If a prospective client tells you "You are avin' a giraffe, pal" when you tell him you have a Susstifkit you can check through Wikipedia as to how to gain redress.

4.30

Tea and biscuits and Goodbyeeeeeeee!


 

[steve rix]

Fed up with being on this forum then?

[♠Winp®oClean♠]

 

Couldn't have put it better myself!

[Halfadaylee]

bob bye now 

[AuRavelling79]

Not for a few days - DMSI has still got a hangover! 

[Tom White]

 

Very good!

[stuart mc]

 

[PureClean Window Cleaning Ltd]

lol

[alanwilson]

hilarious matey!

[James Leet]

Is this NVQ Level 1 or 2 ?






























Doesnt really matter as both are useless in window cleaning

[Craig - CW Window Cleaning]

i think i have been on this course already !

[Llaaww]

Think I may stay tuned in for this one.

If ever I have £400 in used twenties I will be sure to rush on up the shire for a refresher course. I sounds like terrific value for money.

[trevor perry]

with a business idea like that Gold i am sure you could get government funding 

[rosskesava]

Who do I make the cheque payable to?

I hate to put a downer on anyone who is running worthwhile courses but do you have a certified accreditation certificate to say that you can give out certificates at the end of the course?

[Andrew Willis]

My new business - IMPACT WIV a bit of 4" x 3" - starts in the new year!

If you have any prospective employees who need a bit of training in window cleaning we are here for you.

We are called IMPACT WIV 4"x 3" because that is how thick they'd have to be not to be able to learn how to clean windows safely from a half day out with you on the glass. If they really are that thick than they are obviously thicker than a bit of 4x2 hence 4x3.

Here is the one day course details.

Send me £400 in used twenties nuff said.

9 am Gather round the coffee machine and meet the boss and have a light chat over coffee and digestives.

9.30 Using the right ladder the right way up

Ensure your staff use the one with the stiles on the sides and the feet at the bottom.

10.30

Lean ladder against the correct wall at the correct angle. (We can supply a spirit level and plumb weight for just £50)

11.00

Coffee and comfort Break

11.30

Paint your ladder. Which paint to use to cover a multitude of sins. Don't - it's illegal.

12.30

Light Luncheon (cuz we're true business people and we'll give you a brochure outlining our NVQ (Not Very Quick) course in marketing and how to use internet forums to your best advantage.

1.30

An introduction to our partners Eyekronikswanadex who do not give us any money in any way to recommend that you spend your redundancy on a gold plated system or insurance from them.

2.30

Producing your own Susstifkit - how to produce a quality certificate in Window Cleaning Performance and Procedures in league with the Dept of More Money than Sense to show your prospective custies as to how seriously you take window cleaning and yourself.

3.30

Sueing Naysayers with help from Wiki.

If a prospective client tells you "You are avin' a giraffe, pal" when you tell him you have a Susstifkit you can check through Wikipedia as to how to gain redress.

4.30

Tea and biscuits and Goodbyeeeeeeee!


 

 

[Ian Lancaster]

I loved the bit about "using the ladder the right way up".  I once went on an H&S accredited one day course.  The instructor advised us that if the ladder sections were too long to reach and extend the ladder in the upright position while keeping both feet on the ground, then the correct way is to lay the ladder flat, work out how high it needs to be, extend the ladder on the ground to the required length, position the ladder feet in the angle between the wall and the ground, pick up the top of the ladder then walk towards the wall pushing the ladder up as you go until it is upright against the wall, then lift the bottom of the ladder out from the wall until it is at the correct angle.

He didn't have a clue as to how you are supposed to measure either the necessary height or the length of the extended ladder on the ground, had no idea of how heavy an extended forty foot triple is and how hard it becomes to push it up as you get nearer to the wall (i.e.with most of the ladder beyond your lifting point, hence increasing the weight by the leverage).

I asked him how you get it down again.  He said: "You lift the bottom back into the wall, place your hands on the stiles and wait till the ladder starts to fall away at the top......."

I had a mental picture of the old cartoon scene where someone is hammered into the ground by a heavy weight bouncing on his head.

[AS Window Cleaning]

............

He didn't have a clue as to how you are supposed to measure either the necessary height or the length of the extended ladder on the ground, had no idea of how heavy an extended forty foot triple is and how hard it becomes to push it up as you get nearer to the wall (i.e.with most of the ladder beyond your lifting point, hence increasing the weight by the leverage).

I asked him how you get it down again.  He said: "You lift the bottom back into the wall, place your hands on the stiles and wait till the ladder starts to fall away at the top......."

I had a mental picture of the old cartoon scene where someone is hammered into the ground by a heavy weight bouncing on his head.

lol, painful images come to mind........not good!  Keeps falling away until it seesaws over your head into the ground/car/innocent bystander!

Lol, very nice itinerary Gold (if you are still unbanned and able to see the forum, lol).

You forgot a couple of points, one being how to work out your average income, to the nearest £500 per day., so that anything between £1 and £749 is classes as £500 per day income.  And then how to hide this from your accountant, VAT people, wife, bank manager, council housing association,   and benefits office that you are earning over 70k per year!  Also how to keep yourself as a window cleaner out of the top 500 earners in the UK, not easy when we rake it in so much, esp after "certification" in something or other!

Also no mention of when any mickey mouse "qualifications" (thats what they are called, right?!) come thru the post several months later, addressed to "to whom it may concern" stating that "this person" has passed the   Susstifkit qualificatiion and is now adequately qualified to clean windows to a high enough standard!

Keep up the laffs mate!  Its what makes this forumn great.......

[Moderator David@stives]

Why would he be banned ?

We don't want him joining the 7 disgruntled people on the other forum do we now ?

[taylored]

did a lad not get banned, for asking if tom would get banned 2 days ago

[Moderator David@stives]

bee

Do i really have to answer that ?

Of course not, do you honestly think we are that petty.

3 people including Tom were banned temporary over the weekend for abusive behaviour, these bans will be up in 3-5 days, it is up to them how they behave when they come back, if they persist then the ban will be for much longer