[AuRavelling79]

Before forum admin locked the "woes thread" you kindly wondered why I won't accept your help. Of course I will. Thank you. If you have any window cleaning advice for me then I will give it my utmost consideration.

Thank you again in anticipation.

[Tom White]

Okay, Goldie, tell us about your business.

We want to know the following:

You can use tax year 09/10 for the following:

Turnover
Expenses
Profit

Working hours
Average job price
Average daily turnover

Working methods
Mileage travelled
Time spent travelling

Favourite type of jobs
What's your local competition
What other services do you provide
What's your physical health like
How much money do you spend on marketing and how do you spend it.

I reckon that's enough to be starting with.

This could be an interesting post.

[Sunshine/Cleaning]

Done it for him.

Turnover    £1363
Expenses   £5987
Profit          I'm not bright enough to do that

Working hours        What! can't I count it in minutes?
Average job price     £1.65
Average daily turnover  £7

Working methods          Ripped up sheets and a stolen ladder
Mileage travelled           My bike has no speedo
Time spent travelling        I dare not go to the cold side of the river so its all local

Favourite type of jobs       Other peoples
What's your local competition            Squeeky Bashing
What other services do you provide     Eh?
What's your physical health like            Toxic
How much money do you spend on marketing and how do you spend it.

[AuRavelling79]

Okay, Goldie, tell us about your business.

We want to know the following:

You can use tax year 09/10 for the following:

Turnover
Expenses
Profit

Classified of course! But Wikileaks might divulge soon because I am so important.

Working hours
Average job price
Average daily turnover

Vary, depending on if I can be assed, but about 25 a week on the glass.
Dunno
What do you mean by average?

Working methods
Mileage travelled
Time spent travelling

Slack
5000 per annum
Too much

Favourite type of jobs
What's your local competition
What other services do you provide
What's your physical health like
How much money do you spend on marketing and how do you spend it.

Ones with fit burds who pay top dollar for the least work
Dole cheats, hard working Polish guys, an empire builder and a couple of jw's
Repairs to misty windows, outside of gutters and conny roofs
Dodgy to middling
About £200 a year on cards to canvass with and an ad in the local community mag

I reckon that's enough to be starting with.

This could be an interesting post.

>Sunshine (Stuart)
You bin on my PC?

[Tom White]

Okay, based on the information you have provided, here is my analysis.

If you charge more and work harder and longer, you will turnover more and increase your profit in line with the level of the increase in your prices, commensurate with how much more you work harder and longer.

That'll be £5K for my consultancy fee. 

Cheques made payable to "Whey-Aye-Banzai Window Cleaning and Consultancy Services".

[AuRavelling79]

Thank you for your advice Tosh, I will try to find ways to implement it - most helpful. I appreciate your sense of humour in invoicing me £5K and know you will agree that my asking you to take said invoice and stuff it where the sun don't shine (Chepstow's Severnside shoreline) is a reflection of the esteem I hold you in. 

[rosskesava]

Tosh

While you giving advise out, I'm almost starting from scratch yet again. How can I get 60 custies by the end of next week and stop the pikie/polish bloke down the road from undercutting me?

Thank you.

[Tom White]

Tosh

While you giving advise out, I'm almost starting from scratch yet again. How can I get 60 custies by the end of next week and stop the pikie/polish bloke down the road from undercutting me?

Thank you.

This should be no problem for you, Ross, after you had to do similar when you first started up; only then it wasn't the Polish, it was the Kosovans.

What you need to do is find a busy road by a set of traffic lights, with mop in one hand and a squeegy in t'other.  When the lights are on red, dash forward and select the 'soft looking ones' in the resultant traffic build up.

Mop 'n' squeegy like Billy-O.

You should be to find 60 'customers' willing to pay 50p to rid themselves of your drunken Scottish, foul smelling, demeanour.

How many bottles of Buckie will that buy you?

I'll not invoice you for this advice, you'll only wipe your backside on the paper.

[rosskesava]

Right.

So, I need to clean my teeth first? Why? I don't clean them before giving my missus a good heave-ho?

What type of traffic lights do you reccomend? Is 50p a good price to start with or should I offer a discounted rate of say - 30p?

What would be the best type of rubber - I'll be squggie'ing at speed so I don't want to leave skid marks.

Also, I don't drink buckie as it was originally produced by French monks so please get your fact right. I drink the best 9% stuff that is currently on offer at my local offie.

On top of that you're wrong, I wouldn't wipe my backside with your invoice, I'd wipe yours.

Thanks in advance for your helpfull replies and you still haven't come up with a solution as what to do about the bloke down the street who will be undercutting me.

[mci services]

Right.

So, I need to clean my teeth first? Why? I don't clean them before giving my missus a good heave-ho?

What type of traffic lights do you reccomend? Is 50p a good price to start with or should I offer a discounted rate of say - 30p?

What would be the best type of rubber - I'll be squggie'ing at speed so I don't want to leave skid marks.

Also, I don't drink buckie as it was originally produced by French monks so please get your fact right. I drink the best 9% stuff that is currently on offer at my local offie.

On top of that you're wrong, I wouldn't wipe my backside with your invoice, I'd wipe yours.

Thanks in advance for your helpfull replies and you still haven't come up with a solution as what to do about the bloke down the street who will be undercutting me.

If he's Polish have a word with a Romanian and slip him a backhander to sort him out job done or if you don't have ready cash do it your self, but be aware they poles can fight and usually have a big family to back them up being a mostly catholic country an all.

[Tom White]

Look guys, can I interest you all in my new book?

It's £50 (paid in advance) and it answers all your questions...

[Lee Gilroy]

Is that book in the Library or do I have to get it on Amazon

[Tom White]

Is that book in the Library or do I have to get it on Amazon

[james44]

 

[Gav Camm lammy 283]

 

[rosskesava]

Thanks Tosh for your offer of a discounted book.

35p is a good price but do I really have to come to Chepstow and have a feel of your pole in order to collect it?

And why the £10 bribery fee to Mr Ian St Giles?

My final offer is 99p for the book and £5 bribery fee for Mr Giles not to delete this thread.

As for the Polish. They come over here and take our jobs and the food out of our childrens mouths. I'm going to get a few mates and show them what is what. No one, and I repeat no one, takes over my patch even if it is the temporary traffic lights while the gas main repairs take place.

Within a few weeks, I hope to have 1600 customers.

[Ian_Giles]

A £10.00 bribery fee?...I'll have some of that....blowed if I know what I'm being bribed for though 
I've no intention of locking or deleting this thread, I actually think it stands as a good example of to respond to being goaded and wound up as just about all of you had a go at doing both (goad & respond that is).

Methinks though the correct slot for this thread should perhaps be in the chat section 

I'd my own tongue in cheek response but I'm running late for work....and I'm grumpy too, Saturday is my lie in day...Its unnatural to work on a Saturday

Ian

[AuRavelling79]

Well today was nice! I was working at Aust right by the Severn Bridge and it was quite foggy and cold on my side of the river, but as I had insulated my IBC and put an oil filled rad under it the hose was quite supple and I was able to work quite happily.

Now tell me - how warm should the water be when it hits the glass for optimum results in freezing conditions? I mean I guess my water was coming out of the brush at about 7 degrees as the tank was at 12 degrees this morning and the ambient temperature was 4 degrees this pm.

I mean I know hot is good but surely if there is too much of a difference then the glass might crack?

[Sir Squeaky]

Well today was nice! I was working at Aust right by the Severn Bridge and it was quite foggy and cold on my side of the river, but as I had insulated my IBC and put an oil filled rad under it the hose was quite supple and I was able to work quite happily.

4...

[AuRavelling79]

Well today was nice! I was working at Aust right by the Severn Bridge and it was quite foggy and cold on my side of the river, but as I had insulated my IBC and put an oil filled rad under it the hose was quite supple and I was able to work quite happily.

4...

What? 4 degrees difference? I dunno Rog (you missed out quoting the rest of my post BTW) I would have thought that you could get away with a bit more of a differential than that.

To achieve such a close degree of heat matching between water and glass seems a bit difficult to do IMO.