[Kev Loomes]

Spindle

Why have you got 2 different e mail addresses on your contact page? This is confusing, I would get rid of the hotmail one as it can give the impression of being unprofessional. You already have a domain e mail so stick with that

[garry22]

Well said Gary Webber.

From a copywriting point of view....

The only thing  customers care about is themselves.

I was talking to a canadian copywriter a year or so ago. He'd run tests that showed that you have about five seconds to make an impression with a site (thanks to the "delete" and "back" buttons). Once you have lost them, they are gone for good.

Now, on your site you have some good before and after photo's but they are mostly hidden away. You should hit them with those straight away. Don't run the risk of them leaving the site before they've seen your best stuff.

Stop talking about WE and start talking about YOU.

Garry

[Ian Gourlay]

I was under the impresion that place names should begin with a Capital Letter

[garry22]

I was under the impression that impression was spelt with two S's.

Sorry Ian, will try harder next time.

[spindle]

ok all amended

sometimes you cant see for looking too hard!!

or i am just plain tired when i am working on it.......which tends to after midnight!!


thank guys........

[ross12345]

i have to say your site looks verry dull and boreing way to much blue
and the writeing is verry childish looking as well overal a verry poor looking site

[derek west]

i disagree with ross, its a good site.
show us your website ross, lets see how its done

i also disagree with gary, "WE" is far more professional than "I". but thats may opinion.
"here at sparkle carpets we do things right"
"here at sparkle carpets i do things right"

sorry but "WE" gets my vote

derek

[spindle]

thanks derek you got there just before i did........
.blue is also a calming colour!!

where is your website?

i think the opinions of the long term  members of this forum count for much more than someone who has only posted 30 times here



i was debating if i should change between i/we...........

we makes me look bigger than i am ..........dont wanna bite off more than i can chew

and i......makes it a bit more personnal.....

[derek west]

personally don't think WE makes you sound to big, i suppose its whtever you feel comfortable with, not saying that "I" is wrong it just sounds (and i suppose its supposed to) like a one man band. but again thats my opinion.
to be honest i don't think the difference either way will make or break your business so may aswell stick with it. my sites ok, nothing to right home about but then its not my main income of customers yet. affordablecleaners.co.uk if you wanna have a look. don't forget the www. (obviously)

if ross would like to comment thats fine, not like i care, constructive critisysm is good but he's gone overboard to put it nicely.

derek

[Steve Barnett (Carpet Care Plus)]

The use of either WE or I is fine - but dont forget YOU in terms of the prospective client.

Sell the benefits, in other words We do this and that so YOU get such and such a benefit.

People make the same mistakes in sales letters  - I, WE, OUR - the client ultimately wants to know why they should use you and whats in it for them.

Steve

[garry22]

Spindle,

Please don't get the wrong idea here. If I post something on this board, it's with the intention of trying to help people like yourself.

I've got no time for people who make negative comments without giving a constructive reason why. The whole point of a forum is to help each other out.

I'm no guru but I do actually write copy for people outside our business. I decided to learn after spending loads of money on idiots with marketing degrees who cost me (literally), thousands of pounds (often with zero return). You know the sort... they'll get your carpet cleaning name out in front of everyone. The only problem is, it just does not bring any money in. You might have a lovely logo but you've got no paying customers.

The problem with a lot of these "experts" is that A/ they've be taught by theorists  who have never done any selling and B/ They have never spent THEIR OWN MONEY on an ad.

I feel there has been a misunderstanding above.

When I say about We / You I mean this...

Sadly, a lot of copy in our business is written from the company's point of view, eg. "WE use the latest equipment and chemicals, Bah, Blah" "WE use a turbo nutter truck mount with five tons of water lift" etc (facetious but hopefully it illustrates the point). There's no emotion there and the client does not really know how they will feel the benefit.

It should be written from the prospective client's point of view, eg "YOUR carpets will look and feel fantastic - after YOU'VE watched our 7 stage process bring them back to "as new" condition". OR... "YOUR friends will be so jealous - they'll swear YOU have a new three piece suite".

Can you see the difference? Sorry I did not explain it properly.

Best of luck,

Garry

[derek west]

i like the sound of that gary, might give it a go in my next advert. see how i go.
i'll skip the "as new" condition though, aint promising that to anyone.
derek

[spindle]

sorry gary not complaining about your comments at all..........

[Gary Webber]

Spindle,

these forums will throw up all sorts of advice, YOU need to have a look around and think what is it that would grab your attention in those brief 5 seconds or so, (as previous post stated) the need to stand out and be more personal is important.

An example would be our local Yellow Pages is full of ads stating "The best clean you've ever had or its free!" Then they have attempted to "personalise" it, but they are the same copy from Pirahna so they don't stand out and appear cloned.  The need to distance yourself will become important as more people take to the net to search for a service.

If you find it difficult to be objective, ask a few other people (not negative types!) for opinions.

Regards

Gary

[spindle]

all comments have been taken on board ...........even the negatives

but as this is my first attempt ..........dont think it is that bad..........
i have taken some ideas from other peoples sites.

all in all i dont expect that much work from the website.......nearly all of my work is word of mouth........
yes internet is the way forward which is why i was experimenting with my website........which i can change at any point....

i asked people on here for their opinions as i know that lots of cc have them....

i didnt want to fill up the site with more information that the customer will digest/read ...some  sites have pages and pages. i think that this is too much info for the custy.

i wanted to keep it short and sweet.................horses 4 courses

[garyj]

How about a land line number? Not having one looks a bit amateur or even dodgy.

[HQCS (John Kastrian)]

i have to say your site looks verry dull and boreing way to much blue
and the writeing is verry childish looking as well overal a verry poor looking site

Ross,no disrespect but you are hardly qualified to make comments like that,have you actually read your post?  

The website is looking very good,I would delete the first thumbnail picture as the stains are still very visible.
A few minor grammatical errors ie capital lettters etc.,but this will obviously be rectified on the finished product.
You only state a mobile number,this may put off some potential customers.
Other than that a very nice job,well done.
John

[garry22]

Following on from what the other Gary said above about Piranha..

The "The most thorough carpet cleaning ever.. or it's free" advert was, I think written by Jim Wolverton in the USA. You can learn a lot from this. I've seen it held up by some heavyweight marketers (not involved in carpet cleaning) as almost the perfect direct response ad.

I take Gary's point that if you've got half a dozen on the page, then the impact is lost but it is still a brilliant ad.

It was only when I got heavily involved in marketing that I realised just how good it is. Before ("with my carpet cleaners hat on") I thought it was rubbish.. too much text, too cramped etc. The truth is that it contains most of the key elements that an ad should have.

You can't use it because it is copyrighted but you sure can learn from it and use the model to write your own. If yours works, then it will be successful as a space ad, a leaflet, a website or even an oversized business card.

What I suggest is that you show a copy to someone who has no knowledge of carpet cleaning (no pre-conceived ideas). Go through each element and ask them what they think. You may be surprised to see their reactions. it's a really clever ad.

What I'm saying is not to look at your website in isolation. Look at it as  part of a combined marketing approach.

Garry

[Jim_77]

You can't use it because it is copyrighted

That hasn't stopped every carpet cleaner under the sun from using that strap line in their ads!  My YP is full of them, it's the same sort of cliche line as "iron-clad" or "100% no-risk" guarantees.  To be honest if all the companies are making the same "too good to be true" promise, what's the average punter going to think when they look at all the ads?  They'll think it's just more advertising BS and it doesn't mean a damn thing.

I prefer to make my own headlines and copy, and make sure they don't look or sound exactly like anyone else's.  It's all about standing out from the crowd after all isn't it?  If you copy, you're not unique and that's what we all need to be in my opinion!

[garry22]

I agree Jim,

I meant use the advert as a model. Recognise the elements in it and then come up with your own.

The risk reversal headline was great because it WAS different. At that time, everyone was saying the same thing, namely how brilliant they were. Jim Wolverton basically said "Don't take my word for it...you make your mind up and if you don't like it don't pay".

You are right, sometimes you have to go against the grain.

The best example I can think of is for insurance services. Almost every product and service is the same. Whovever is in charge of Churchill's adverting came up with that stroke of genius.... Churchill the dog.

Garry