[lands]

Hi

I have been asked to submit a press release to a large eco website which I have copied below. I have tried to stay away from techy stuff as I find that this can send a glass eye to sleep (but then so can Jason Hedges talking about putting up fencing ) would appreciate any of your comments before I do so.

Pete

ECO- FRIENDLY PRODUCTS OR ECO-FRIENDLY ATTITUDE
   

Ok, so whats the most important?

I am a carpet & upholstery cleaner that uses independently certified eco-friendly cleaning solutions. Do I use water, power and do I drive a van? Is some of the equipment I use made up of parts that come from non-sustainable sources? Are the eco-friendly products I use contained in plastic containers? The answer to all these questions is yes.

My point to these issues is one of awareness. I am aware, my peers can be made aware and so can my customers. Where I do try and play my part is not just the fact that I use recycled paper for all my admin, email where possible, only carry weight in van that I absolutely need, take my empty plastic containers back to my suppliers to refill, use products that mean carpets and upholstery need to be cleaned less often (detergents leave sticky residues in carpets/fabrics that attract rapid resoiling), it’s the opportunity in realising that I and many of us have to do a bit more.

The point I am really trying to make is that we as a commercial sector have a responsibility to not only do our bit but encourage others to do the same. On an average day I could be in 3 customers homes and possible a commercial premises too (evening or weekend). If you add up the 250 working days in the year allowing for a 4 weeks off I could see at least 690 people in one year who have their own homes or play an integral part in the running of a business. This is where I really try to do my bit by explaining why I do things this way. I could go into more detail but for the purpose of brevity I will stick to the point. If we could educate the other 15 000 carpet cleaners to think along the same lines that’s 10 million times a year we can push the issue higher amongst people’s priorities.

How many other industries are there that could do the same? Just a thought but if the power of small industry  joined forces as one in this regard alone we would have more power to influence change than any democratic government could ever have.

In short, it's the attitude that drives all other changes for the good and this is why we need to commune ourselves to the belief that we can can make a small difference individually but a huge one collectively.

Peter Sweeney
Oakleaf Carpet & Upholstery Care
www.oakleafcc.co.uk

[Mike Halliday]

it made interesting reading but at the start you say...

ECO- FRIENDLY PRODUCTS OR ECO-FRIENDLY ATTITUDE
   

Ok, so whats the most important?


this gives the suggestion that your article will answer this question, but I don't think it does ( or if it does then its not done very clearly)

if it was my article I would give a summery with a definite answer.

[Mike Osbourne]

Pete

When you say 'press release' do you mean an article. What you have written is a good article but would get thrown out as a press release.

[elliott cleaning]

Am inclined to agree with the 2 Mikes'.

Your heading is 'Eco friendly products or attitude' but the article only really refers to "attitude".  Para 3 got me to grab for my calculator.  You don't need to tell people how you arrive at a figure of 10 million.  It distracts from the point you should be making.  Para 4 makes a presumption which I fear you can shoot holes into. There are numerous other industries which could produce the same argument that I think you are trying to make and to try to vie this against "democratic government" is pushing it.
Not intended to be critical, just my view

ps.  which supplier refills your empty containers for you?

[lands]

Thanks Guys

Mike H, excellent point and on reading again with your critique you are right in that it was missing its conclusion which I have now added. What do you think?

Pete

[Mike Halliday]

waffly

we need to commune ourselves to the belief

is 'commune' an actual word?

who will be reading this article? if its going to be Joe public I would dumb it down a bit and use a bit more plain English, if its the more intellectual reader then its fine.

[francis]

Yes there is a word 'commune' meaning a community where resources are shared.  Don't think it is the right word for this purpose

[lands]

Mike

I think that at the moment this website is read by the type you mention in that it is the "intellectual" reader. (30000 uniquqe users per month so not a bad readership even if it is nationally)

Francis

I think the meaning " resources shared" is spot on

Pete

[Doug Holloway]

Hi Pete,

I think I would make it punchier, not sure many would plough through this, remember your chat at CCDO about making one point.

Commune is not a verb, it's a group of hippies having free sex, maybe it should be a verb

Cheers

Doug

[Shaun_Ashmore]

ECO- FRIENDLY PRODUCTS OR ECO-FRIENDLY ATTITUDE
   

Ok, so whats the most important?

Hello my name is Peter Sweeney and I am a carpet & upholstery cleaner that uses independently certified eco-friendly cleaning solutions. Do I use water, power and do I drive a van? Is some of the equipment I use made up of parts that come from non-sustainable sources? Are the eco-friendly products I use contained in plastic containers? The answer to all these questions is yes.

My point to these issues is one of awareness

 I am aware,
my peers can be made aware,
and so can my customers

Where I do try and play my part is not just the fact that I use recycled paper for all my admin, email where possible, only carry weight in van that I absolutely need, take my empty plastic containers back to my suppliers to refill, use products that mean carpets and upholstery need to be cleaned less often (detergents leave sticky residues in carpets/fabrics that attract rapid resoiling), it’s the opportunity in realising that I and many of us have to do a bit more.

The point I am really trying to make

Is that we as a commercial sector have a responsibility to not only do our bit but encourage others to do the same. On an average day I could be in 3 customers homes and possible a commercial premises too (evening or weekend). If you add up the 250 working days in the year allowing for a 4 weeks off I could see at least 690 people in one year who have their own homes or play an integral part in the running of a business. This is where I really try to do my bit by explaining why I do things this way. I could go into more detail but for the purpose of brevity I will stick to the point. If we could educate the other 15 000 carpet cleaners to think along the same lines that’s 10 million times a year we can push the issue higher amongst people’s priorities.

How many other industries are there that could do the same?

 Just a thought…….but if the power of small industry  joined forces as one in this regard alone we would have more power to influence change than any democratic government could ever have.

In short, it's the attitude that drives all other changes for the good and this is why we need to commune ourselves to the belief that we can make a small difference individually but a huge one collectively.

Peter Sweeney
Oakleaf Carpet & Upholstery Care