Samson, your mate dieing and the ex giving you grief can bring you down. By all means grieve for your mate but don't let the ex get at you. Both me and my ex agree there were problems on both sides and we were both to blame for not addressing the issues, perhaps even a bit immature.
However the current wife of nearly 20 years still acts with the mental and emotional abandon of a 13 year old. Took her leave of here 8 months ago after causing no end of trouble and destroying the lives of good friends. Leaving me with an 18 year old and a 15 year old.
We all are imperfect and make mistakes, that's human. However some try to blame others to hide their own shortcomings or wilfull bad behaviour. Personally i have found it better to go no contact as there is nothing i can do to change the situation, maybe you should do the same.
People say what they want others to believe and do exactly what they want to do. If your ex wanted to show love for her kids then her actions would show it and you wouldn't have to force the issue. Just be sure to build your young un's up so they aren't screwed up by the lack of love from their mother, it's common even though unnatural. But over the last 30 years or so the kids have supported their mothers through benifit payments, some mothers have never done a day's work to support their own. Just accept the situation and be strong for the family and your own well-being
Oh and get to bed at an earlier time with a cup of Horlicks, you need plenty of sleep to cope with the situation.
That is a beautiful way of explaining things, and I really appreciate the time and thought in your post,
My main concern now is the welfare of my son who is making a remarkable recovery after being in and out of different mental hospitals. Finally seeing him as the sweet kind hearted loving kid he used to be.
The death of my friend is taking its toll, but just wanted to show what a powerful man when he was a pro boxer and he was a lifesaver to me, but I couldnt help him in his hour of need,
Seeing his window cleaning jacket hanging on the door just set me off ! Makes you appreciate the more important things in life. We are helping his widow now, and making sure she has all the support we can give her,
Once again thank you for your kind words.