Mr. Richard Turpin
Inland Revenue & Customs Excise
Nottingham Castle
Ooop North
URA1 RU2
Dear Richard,
Re: Your rejection of allowing me to claim waders as a business expense last year.
Please find attached photograph of me cleaning windows. As you will appreciate said waders are an essential part of a window cleaners equipment. I am not a fisherman and I did not catch any juicy plump salmon or poach any other kind of delicious fish on the River Wye; nor did I enjoy them with chips in the back of my work vehicle cooked over any gas bottle powered cooker. Said gas bottle and heater is soley (no pun intended) to heat water to deliver to windows not to cook any fish in. No sir.
You will also notice that my waterfed pole is completely different from a fishing pole of which I know nothing. The photograph sent to you by Mr. S. Clean of this parish of me fishing is a forgery and is just a collage of me in my waders superimposed on the River Wye where the salmon happen to be. The "sticks of dynamite" are no more than candles which I use for a romantic fish supper by the riverside with my Fit Burd. errr ... for unfreezing my pump when it's a bit parky.
Yours sincerely,
Tosh Simpkinakagi
P.S. I'm more of a mushroom man myself.