[the red carpet]

this is a sales letter directed at estate agents please let me know what you think and if theres anyway you think i could improve it feel free to use it if you wish,



Dear manager


                                                                   CLEAN CARPETS 'WELCOME' NEW TENNANTS


I am writing this letter by way of introduction just to let you know a bit about us and the services we provide which ime sure will be of use to you in the future.

Through previous experience working with estate agents,private landlords etc i have allways found it to be a mutually beneficial relationship as on your side for very little money i can bring back to life even the worse carpets greatly improving the appeal and markability of your property and on my side i am usually supplied with regular work the majority of propertys are unfurnished making my life easier and more often than not i will clean the whole house rather than just single rooms meaning more work more money.

because of this i am willing to offer a substantial discount of 20% to people like yourself this can be taken as a direct discount or in the form of cashback and ime sure you will find our charges modest and be amazed at the results.

We clean carpets using the most advanced 'steam' cleaning process this enables us through a hot water extraction method to remove deep down dirt safely quickly and effeciently however grubby or dirty your carpet may be this process restores a like new appearence to them all and also helps to prolong the life of your carpet and that must be worth it.

I have enclosed a sticker with my contact details for you to keep in a convenient place should you ever require my services and i look forward to hearing from you soon.

[Steve Weatherley]

Good luck with the letter but you need to do a spell check. Also check your punctuation - there are hardly any full stops.

[Martin S]

You need to check punctuation + grammar. 

Personally, if this is your final draft, most people will put it in the bin as it is not that well written. 

To look professional, and for people to take you seriously, it has to be spot on, content/grammar/punctuation etc

You are also giving them an expectation that they are going to get a new carpet for next to nothing!  So, unless that's what you're prepared to do, I wouldn't say it.

Sorry to be critical, but you asked for opinions.

[the red carpet]

point taken on the spelling and punctuation it was more the wording i was looking for opinions on as i just typed it out quick for you guys to take a look, punctuation isnt my strong point and i plan on getting someone to go through it all before i send it off.

[angelag]

Hi, try this out for size - no good criticising if you aren't going to offer some worthwhile alternatives!  Good luck!

Dear Manager
                       
CLEAN CARPETS GIVE A WELCOME TO NEW TENNANTS

I would like to take this opportunity of introducing my company and its services, which I am sure will be of use to you in the future.
 
Through previous experience of working with estate agents and private landlords I have always found that we are able to create a mutually beneficial relationship. For very little money I can bring back to life even the worst carpets, greatly improving the appeal and marketability of your property. I am usually supplied with regular work through estate agents and private landlords, and when the majority of properties are unfurnished my task is easier.  I frequently am asked to clean the carpets throughout the whole house rather than just single rooms meaning more work and more income for me, and a better standard of presentation for the property.

Because of the mutual benefits,  I am willing to offer a substantial discount of 20% to companies like yours.  The 20% discount can be taken as a direct discount or in the form of ‘cashback’ and I am sure you will find our charges modest and be amazed at the results.

We clean carpets using the most advanced 'steam' cleaning process;  this enables us through a hot water extraction method to remove deep down dirt safely, quickly and efficiently. However grubby or dirty your carpet may be this process restores a like-new appearance to them all and also helps to prolong the life of your carpet. 

I have enclosed a sticker with my contact details for you to keep in a convenient place should you ever require my services and i look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully


 

[the red carpet]

thank you angelag and welcome to the site i see this is your first post.
are you a newcomer to this industry or just this site?

[angelag]

Hi Red Carpet

I'm just a newcomer to this site.  I'm involved in training and development of cleaning staff (and have been for the past 5 years).  I've just been having a mooch on the internet and came across this site for the first time.  It seems a good place for people in the industry to exchange useful tips and advice so I think I'll be visiting regularly to pick everyone's brains!

Angela

[Doug Holloway]

Hi Guys,

I started reading the letters and my mind wandered off.

Too long , bullet points are much more effective.

Remember you are writing to the masters of bull .

Cheers,

Doug

[Steve Weatherley]

I would also point out that I never guaruntee to restore the custys carpet to a 'like new' appearance because often this is not possible due to wear and tear on the carpet and some stains will be permanent (also you won't get iron marks or cigarette burns out of the carpet).
Sorry if I sound as if I'm criticising - dont intend to offend. Good luck

[Pristine_Cleaning]

Hi All,

Here is my pennies worth,  I think the focus of your letter should be on the benefits that you can bring to the estate agent,   They are not really in terested in how you clean them, or if YOUR job is easier because YOUR other landlords ask YOU do do unfurnished houses.

It sounds as if you are saying that you are not interested in cleaning one room in a house and only want to do whole houses because YOU can make more money.

the estate agent must be able to see the benefits of using your company if he/she can say at the end of any statement So What ? then there is no benifit to them.

As the old sales adage goes "give them benefits, not features"

I hope this helps.

John

[Simon H]

Hi there

Your letter needs to stand out from all the others they receive and should have headlines and strong bullet points emphasising what you want to get across.

Why not contact a journalist from your local paper or a copy writer,tell them what you want to say and let them do it for you. It's what they do!

Most journalists will do anything for a few quid!!

Horses for courses and all that. People should do what they are best at.

Regards

Simon

[paul bruce]

As mentioned on previous replys, make you letter brief and to the point.Dress smart and ( shirt and tie ,not suit) deliver the letter/leaflet by hand along with your business card,less chance of them ending up in the bin.You could also go into agents and look at house details on display on the pretence you are thinking of moving and just having a quick look,and then leave your business card only, as suddenly producing the letter will make it  to obvious.
Do the same when you go to a restaurant or whatever, then you are not cold calling,but using your visit as a marketing opportunity.

[the red carpet]

hi everyone,
thanks once again for your input,
i have read the comments from john at pristine clean and the point he made about giving the benifits to them and not to myself, and i do take that on board and have to admit hes not the first to say it.
the reason i decided to word the letter in that way was to come across as being honest and making them feel special that im offering the discount to them because of the benifits to me and that normal customers would not get this benifit and we all know money talks with estate agents.

the other point of keeping it brief i totally agree with as if i recieve anything to long winded it bores me and i bin it.

however you have to remember that your reading it all squashed up on a tiny computer screen, looking at it typed up and spread out on a a4 letter it does look very brief with just a few small paragraphs.