Clean It Up
UK Window Cleaning Forum => Window Cleaning Forum => Topic started by: jeff1 on August 17, 2007, 03:13:22 pm
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Well guy's and gals here is the final chapter of the binned witch.(http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k23/jeffo_01/new_bat_angel.gif)
I couldn't wait for one day next week.
I have 5 weeks to get my books upto taxman standards ::) So while I was sat here cooking my books ;D this witch started to play on my mind, my mind kept wondering and now the tax man owes me about a million quid ??? something wrong here I thought. :(
'I know'.. I'll go and sort the witch out and get her off my case and my books, I just have to see what these smears and streaks are? I phoned her up and told her I was on my way, as I won't have time next week to do it.
I chucked my backpack full of water in the car along with my pole.
I turned up at her den and she appeared from nowhere on her broom stick, (I think she was hiding in a tree somewhere waiting for me to turn up. :o)
Hello Mrs Beaton I says (I don't care if she reads this) now lets see these windows with the streaks and smears on, she started to point out 2 of the windows at the front, but from downstairs, I couldn't see Bu**er all ::) come inside she sneers, as she's rubbing her hands together :o reluctantly I agreed, but not before getting my Holy Cross and garlic bread out ;D or is that for a vampire? either way it didn't matter because I had my Tazer in my pocket just incase ;D
We went into the kitchen and walked past her black cat, who's tail I managed to stand on, it shot out the kitchen like a cruise missile ;D
We went upstairs and she took me into the living room (yes living room) and began to point out the offending windows.
The first window had blown seals and the runs were inside between the glass ;D then she pointed out the marks at the bottom, running the full length of the window, I took my hanky out and began to rub the dirt off from the inside ;D and all's the witch could say was 'Margaret' (whom I took to be her cleaner) No one answered her, so I presumed no one was there, she sounded like that bloke of little Britain shouting 'Margaret'
She then took me to the second window and I must admit, this had a run of white spots right down the middle that had run down from between the top openers ::) this time, she rubbed the bottom of the window herself and found the smears coming off, the witch again shouts 'Margaret' (I almost said to her,there's no one there you daft bu**er)
She then took me to a third window and on the top opener it had bird c**p on it, but this was the awkward one with the giant fish pond below it, I only had about a foot of path to work from.
I still thought to myself, there is no way I could have missed that, it was a giant, like the size you would get from one of those birds that sit on a fence waiting for something or someone to die :o ....so I offered to clean all three of the windows again that she moaned about.
I was going to ask her if she would like me to scrape the bird c**p off and save it for her? so she could add it to one of her spells in her cauldron, that was simmering away on her log fire.
I managed to keep my mouth shut, in fear of being turned into a bat or a frog.
AnywayI cleaned the first two windows, then I went around to the fish pond window,
Now these koy carp in her pond are huge, and when you walk by the pond they swim to the top of the water and stick there mouths out of the water, Now I wasn't to sure if they were asking for food or trying to warm me? about something??
I think they were trying to tell me, that the 6 frogs I could see in her pond, were that of her previous window cleaners ;D ;D
I put my brush up to the window with the bird doo doo on and turned on my tap, the doo doo just washed off before I even got my brush on it, So it was fresh doo doo and the witch had conned me again. ::)
I knew The witch was in the guest house doing some cleaning for her next victim tenant , (using her broomstick or magical spell no doubt)
When I had finished the windows and recleaned the sills, I quickly and quietly began to put my gear back into the car without saying a word, I don't know how I did it, but I walked across her gravel paths without a single noise.
I started the car and drove off down the long drive, like I had just stolen the car ;D Out onto the open road and I could smell the roses once again knowing it would be the last time I'm in the grips of an evil witch.
That was until I got home and there on my answering machine was the witches voice saying thank you for redoing her windows and she will see me next time (http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k23/jeffo_01/scardey.gif) I'm sure I made it pretty clear to her, there won't be a next time.
Anyone want to buy a house and a phone number ;D
THE END (I hope ;D)
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What a star. Well done, true professional.
I bet if you carry on with then she'll behave herself from now on. She thinks shes got one over on you just by getting you to go back, but also as she was able to blame 'Margaret' then she probably wouldnt risk calling you out again just in case Margaret has been slacking once more ;D
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A happy ending. :)
cheers for that. I enjoyed reading this saga.
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I'm up for 'Jeff & The Witch 2'....mmm pass the popcorn! ;D
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I bet you that the words 'Margret' are witch for prepare and install the tracking device!!!!
Dave. ;D
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Jeff1, Now your going to have to put "margret!!!!" In your signature as a reminder to all those new guys out there that sometimes we come across some very strange people. Like the great George Formby sang " She'll drag me in and lock the door. When I'm cleaning windows" ;D
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Jeff, I think she likes you, is she married?
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If I remember right, there's a new witch report out every month, always with the opportunity to win a million pounds. ;D ;D ;D
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
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Sorry for the delay guy's, I had to go to a 2 year olds birthday party ::)
I Think, I would have sooner gone back to the witch, it would have been so much safer ;D ;D
I've been beaten with bats and toy's, had cakes and jelly thrown at me, I'm to old for it all and had to surrender to a bunch of 2/3 year olds. :'(
I can't believe you guy's enjoyed reading about a poor Colleague's demise and Disperse and the suffering I endured, while I was in the clutches of the evil witch.
I don't believe she is married, but does have a partner and a black cat, also a vulture that sits on the fence that c**ps on the windows after I cleaned them, frogs in the pond that were once our Colleague's, lets hope they were from the beer bunch brigade and not the true professionals that frequent this forum. ;D ;D
I think her partners name is freddie cruger, the guy from nightmare on elm street (not the hip hop guy) he certainly looked like him ;D and there was quite a few chain saws in the garage. :o
I do hope there isn't a Jeff & the witch part 2, so don't get the popcorn out to soon, but if she has fitted me with a tracking device, and appears as a aspiration or orb in my bedroom one night, dressed as george formby, singing my little stick of Blackpool rock, I'll know the stick of rock isn't actually a stick of rock, but a stick that a witch uses to cast her spells. ;D
I'll have to go now, I'm having hallucinations, I can't really tell if its a witch's spell taking affect, or the wacks I recieved on the head from the kids party.(http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k23/jeffo_01/crazy.gif) Hope you enjoyed it and maybe we'll do it again one day. ;)
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Don't worry we've got the witches cousin down this way.
We used to do her windows some years back but following a (let's say a break down in communication) she got dumped.
For years various guys working for us have been primed that if she comes out and approaches (we do the neighbours), make your excuses and drive away.
This has worked well for 2 years. Yesterday our Polish guy comes back with name and address for witches cousin and said "I gave her a card too." :o aaaaaaahhhhhhh
Looks like I'll have to go around there next week and have another showdown over terms, conditions, methods etc
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Does she have a pond, full of koy fish and frogs ;D ;D if so don't do it? ;D ;D
I've been to Cheddar gorge and seen the witch of wooky hole with her dog, it was all in stone and I felt safe, but this witch was for real, and the nearest thing to it that I can describe, is like the day after a bad vindalu curry. :o
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
Only do it if they let me clean there windows ;D ;D
Hey! Gary there was a news report on TV tonight saying that a witch had been seen flying on her broomstick over a place called clifford cottages down by the canal ;D ;D
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Does she have a pond, full of koy fish and frogs ;D ;D if so don't do it? ;D ;D
No, but she does have a large window that birds love flying into, programmed to do so one hour after we've cleaned. This used to result in a phone call accusing us of scratching her window :o hence the (break down in communication).
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Does she have a pond, full of koy fish and frogs ;D ;D if so don't do it? ;D ;D
No, but she does have a large window that birds love flying into, programmed to do so one hour after we've cleaned. This used to result in a phone call accusing us of scratching her window :o hence the (break down in communication).
She needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
Only do it if they let me clean there windows ;D ;D
Hey! Gary there was a news report on TV tonight saying that a witch had been seen flying on her broomstick over a place called clifford cottages down by the canal ;D ;D
:onow your scaring me i clean houses down by a canal
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Jeff, PLEASE don't dump her...you've got to keep this story-line going....hilarious reading ;D
Simon
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Jeff, PLEASE don't dump her...you've got to keep this story-line going....hilarious reading ;D
Simon
And there's me thinking you lot were my friends :o
OK! I'll make you a deal???? ???
You clean her windows and I'll write the stories ;D ;D at least this way I stay out of the witch's Pot.
The weird thing is, I opened the front room curtains this morning and there was a black cat sat on my window sill, I nearly s*** myself, and to top it all, there was bird crap on one of my windows (a big one :o) I only cleaned them yesterday :'( I have honestly never seen this cat before, I'm beginning to think she cast a spell on me, I even checked up the side of my house to see if there was a broomstick parked there. ;D
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
Only do it if they let me clean there windows ;D ;D
Hey! Gary there was a news report on TV tonight saying that a witch had been seen flying on her broomstick over a place called clifford cottages down by the canal ;D ;D
:onow your scaring me i clean houses down by a canal
I see a a block of 4 cottages, :o
I'm also beginning to see a council depot, full of bin lorries in the same area, do you recon I have had a spell cast on me??? ;D and I live about 150 miles away from this area?
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Jeff, PLEASE don't dump her...you've got to keep this story-line going....hilarious reading ;D
Simon
And there's me thinking you lot were my friends :o
OK! I'll make you a deal???? ???
You clean her windows and I'll write the stories ;D ;D at least this way I stay out of the witch's Pot.
The weird thing is, I opened the front room curtains this morning and there was a black cat sat on my window sill, I nearly s*** myself, and to top it all, there was bird crap on one of my windows (a big one :o) I only cleaned them yesterday :'( I have honestly never seen this cat before, I'm beginning to think she cast a spell on me, I even checked up the side of my house to see if there was a broomstick parked there. ;D
Nice offer but I've spent too long exorcising the witches from my round so thanks but no thanks. ;D
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How many of you believe this guy is for real? ::)
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Well, he's not for real now, he has been turned into a toad! ;D
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Well it might have been riveting for some, but not me!
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It was just a light hearted take on a problem customer, thats all mate, just a bit of fun.....and....it made I larf ! :) ;D
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And all at the customers expence
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This particular customer sounded so bad, she deserved it!!!!!
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Not very profesional in my mind
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I doubt that she will come across this forum, so she is none the wiser ;)
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How many of you believe this guy is for real? ::)
I think he used to work as a Witch hunter before window cleaning.
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How would you suggest he dealt with the customer in a more professional manner?
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Not very profesional in my mind
Oh come on.
You had a sense of humour bypass operation?
It's not as if he's given out her name, address and phone number.
You wouldn't be that student whose blog sometimes moans about window cleaners sometimes, would you?
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
Only do it if they let me clean there windows ;D ;D
Hey! Gary there was a news report on TV tonight saying that a witch had been seen flying on her broomstick over a place called clifford cottages down by the canal ;D ;D
:onow your scaring me i clean houses down by a canal
I see a a block of 4 cottages, :o
I'm also beginning to see a council depot, full of bin lorries in the same area, do you recon I have had a spell cast on me??? ;D and I live about 150 miles away from this area?
right im off down me local church
some bloody holy water should keep you and the witch away from me :o :D
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How would you suggest he dealt with the customer in a more professional manner?
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By not coming on here and making fun of people
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How many of you believe this guy is for real? ::)
More real than you! what ever your name is (http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k23/jeffo_01/w****r.gif) at least I don't imagine I'm a tv celebrity ::) mind you elgin sparrowhawk the farm manager, is pretty thick, how's boycy & marlene? I see in your profile your from the same area as were the farm is based, and thats full of BullS
Lighten up my friend, let your hair down (more than I can do ;D)and have some fun.
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absolute class you should script write for the bbc, it would
beat the dross theyve got on now :D
Only do it if they let me clean there windows ;D ;D
Hey! Gary there was a news report on TV tonight saying that a witch had been seen flying on her broomstick over a place called clifford cottages down by the canal ;D ;D
:onow your scaring me i clean houses down by a canal
I see a a block of 4 cottages, :o
I'm also beginning to see a council depot, full of bin lorries in the same area, do you recon I have had a spell cast on me??? ;D and I live about 150 miles away from this area?
right im off down me local church
some bloody holy water should keep you and the witch away from me :o :D
He!He! ;D Next time your there pop into No3 and ask my aunty for a cupa. ;)(thats if she's still alive) don't ask if she isn't, you might get a slap from the owner ;D ;D
I spent many happy summer holidays there as a teenager, I did a lot of fishing at the Reservoir with the ghost of the white lady. :o :o witches and ghosts, witches here and ghosts there, I must be possesed :-\ ;D ;D
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She needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
Umm, my witch lives on..........
Kestrel Road
(can't give any more details incase I upset the 'Farmer') ;D
honestly, the one I'm refering to does live on this road :o where the rest of the estate is named after birds.
I'm starting to feel slightly concerned now ::)
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She needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
Umm, my witch lives on..........
Kestrel Road
(can't give any more details incase I upset the 'Farmer') ;D
honestly, the one I'm refering to does live on this road :o where the rest of the estate is named after birds.
I'm starting to feel slightly concerned now ::)
Vulture road, is there such a road? :o I hope its not full of picket fences ;D or your in trouble :o :o
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By not coming on here and making fun of people
Thats not unprofessional, if he'd reacted in this manner to her face it would have been, on here, no.
We all need to vent some time, some place, some how; and on this occassion its been most amusing (well, for most anyway)
Lighten up my friend, laughter is good for you ;D
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Jeff1 what have you started my man, you really need to speak to harry potter he maybe able to help you on this one lol.
whoever reads this post from the start take it in jest we all need a laugh sometimes, for the boring moanie gits on here sort it out (get a life and a sence of houmor (I cant spell do i care? No so dont even bother ok) most have wifes we dont need the hassle, a laugh is a laugh and this has been making me laugh since it started so to Jeff1 I thank you buddy..
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Jeff1 what have you started my man, you really need to speak to harry potter he maybe able to help you on this one lol.
whoever reads this post from the start take it in jest we all need a laugh sometimes, for the boring moanie gits on here sort it out (get a life and a sence of houmor (I cant spell do i care? No so dont even bother ok) most have wifes we dont need the hassle, a laugh is a laugh and this has been making me laugh since it started so to Jeff1 I thank you buddy..
I might just start writing books on the wicked witch of the west ;D If Harry potter can make it, then there is always hope for me. ;DShe needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
Umm, my witch lives on..........
Kestrel Road
(can't give any more details incase I upset the 'Farmer') ;D
honestly, the one I'm refering to does live on this road :o where the rest of the estate is named after birds.
I'm starting to feel slightly concerned now ::)
Don't worry about Farmer Boyce, (AKA Elgin Sparrowhawk) he should be busy on winterdown Farm keeping Brian and Jed in order, or he may be upto no good with Mrs cakeworthy ;D as neither one of them are the brightest bales in the stack, Lol
A picture of our Elgin Sparrowhawk
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Jeff1 what have you started my man, you really need to speak to harry potter he maybe able to help you on this one lol.
whoever reads this post from the start take it in jest we all need a laugh sometimes, for the boring moanie gits on here sort it out (get a life and a sence of houmor (I cant spell do i care? No so dont even bother ok) most have wifes we dont need the hassle, a laugh is a laugh and this has been making me laugh since it started so to Jeff1 I thank you buddy..
I might just start writing books on the wicked witch of the west ;D If Harry potter can make it, then there is always hope for me. ;DShe needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
Umm, my witch lives on..........
Kestrel Road
(can't give any more details incase I upset the 'Farmer') ;D
honestly, the one I'm refering to does live on this road :o where the rest of the estate is named after birds.
I'm starting to feel slightly concerned now ::)
Don't worry about Farmer Boyce, (AKA Elgin Sparrowhawk) he should be busy on winterdown Farm keeping Brian and Jed in order, or he may be upto no good with Mrs cakeworthy ;D as neither one of them are the brightest bales in the stack, Lol
A picture of our Elgin Sparrowhawk
LOL are you related to Elgin?
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Jeff1 what have you started my man, you really need to speak to harry potter he maybe able to help you on this one lol.
whoever reads this post from the start take it in jest we all need a laugh sometimes, for the boring moanie gits on here sort it out (get a life and a sence of houmor (I cant spell do i care? No so dont even bother ok) most have wifes we dont need the hassle, a laugh is a laugh and this has been making me laugh since it started so to Jeff1 I thank you buddy..
I might just start writing books on the wicked witch of the west ;D If Harry potter can make it, then there is always hope for me. ;DShe needed these birds to add to the culdrun, and each time you went back she plucked another hair from your head and made a vodoo doll of you and your staff. ;)
Umm, my witch lives on..........
Kestrel Road
(can't give any more details incase I upset the 'Farmer') ;D
honestly, the one I'm refering to does live on this road :o where the rest of the estate is named after birds.
I'm starting to feel slightly concerned now ::)
Don't worry about Farmer Boyce, (AKA Elgin Sparrowhawk) he should be busy on winterdown Farm keeping Brian and Jed in order, or he may be upto no good with Mrs cakeworthy ;D as neither one of them are the brightest bales in the stack, Lol
A picture of our Elgin Sparrowhawk
LOL are you related to Elgin?
What do you mean am I related?? I am Elgin Sparrowhawk ;D ;D ;D ;D