Clean It Up
UK Window Cleaning Forum => Window Cleaning Forum => Topic started by: James Styles on November 22, 2019, 02:43:20 pm
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Hi guys this isn’t mainly to do with window cleaning but I feel like I need some support or advice here as I’m not ashamed to admit I am heartbroken.
My relationship of 7 years ended yesterday, it’s ended for good this is not a situation where we will be getting back together.
We have agreed to be friends as we have been through so much together and will always care for each other but for a number of reasons we needed to end it otherwise it would of just got worse as we was clashing in the last few months quite bad and we could both just tell the relationship ran it’s course.
Even though I know this has to end it still really hurts deeply, I have struggled to get out of bed and work, all I can think about is her, I can’t eat, I feel so messed up and sad.
I’m sure some of you guys have had relationships that have ended (I have too before this but much shorter and nowhere near the emotion or love we had/have for each other) Will this get better and what advice would you give?
Cheers.
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what advice would you give?
Cheers.
My advice would be to carry on going to work everyday to earn money to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly.
If you let it get you down too much you will lose more than just a relationship.
*Not being harsh by the way but sometimes it doesn't hurt to be told what you need to be focussing on particularly during hard times.
I would be giving a relative or friend exactly the same advice.
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This is all about dear deidre!
But been through it, and it’s rough for a bit. Don’t kid yourself into trying to be friends, doesn’t make it easier. Best to go no contact. Get out plenty, gym or running regular help boost your mood. And work your b******s off, go get an evening job or something on top.
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been through it myself about 10 years ago, ended up selling the house and splitting the house sell and equity,
ended up in a mobile home and carried on running the business from there
10 years down the line.... now remarried living in a nice house with my lovely wife and I'm very happy indeed.
time is a great healer, whatever you do DO NOT let your business suffer as you will live to regret it
carry as best you can and remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel
good luck
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Yep. Keep yourself busy dude. It's a cliche but time is a great great healer.
All the best.
Oh and it's times like this you really need your friends. Real ones I mean.
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keep off the booze...itll just make you feel worse......keep working as much as possible and eating well and maybe go on a few dates and some no strings attached sex...thats what i would do....nothing like getting another woman into bed to take your mind off your ex.....it does wonders for your mood too! 8)
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Like that 1 Daz lol you only ever remember the dirty ones lol,be seeing yooooouuu.
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Thank you guys, I am going to make sure I don’t let my business suffer, think I’m just gonna focus like mad on growing my business in the new year, until then I will work and start hitting the gym, seeing friends etc, hopefully in a week or so I will feel better, it’s just so raw at the moment.
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Yep, been there done that. Married n together for 12 yrs n had 3 kids and it came to a bitter end.
We tried being amicable, especially with havin kids and 10 years later we can mostly hold a conversation together as long as i nod in right places as if im listening lol as my youngest girl with her is going through a tough patch.
This was in the bad winter of 2010 for me, so weather wasn't great and i moved into a one bed flat and basically hid from the world, got really depressed and broke as I stayed away from work as well. In fact if it wasn't for the kids and seeing them hell of a lot still, I think i would have ended my life. So it may not be too similar as far as a family is concerned, but the emotions etc I can certainly relate too.
To be honest with you, I got tired of the self pity and self blame and picked myself up and went forward.
So my advice:
Take a little time off, it hurts and you need to grieve. Its like a loss. However surround yourself with good friends so the grieve does not consume you and you find ways to drawn it out which can take you down dark paths. So grieve but not too much.
Youve worked hard on building your round and so focus on the great work in which you have done so far. For me, I had my customers for many years and so even though I was quite late in returning back to work. They waited for me.
Youve worked very hard to where you've got to and so dont throw it away due to being overwhelmed with emotions. Rather throw those emotions into work.
Also as some have said, the biggest lie is trying to be friends as it can give false hope as well and if not, it can keep the knife twisting and the pain alive. Youve both been through alot (you said) and now is the time to show you can grow on your own and focus on being you. Take what youve learnt, the strengths youve built on and march forward.
All the best, now go order a pizza and stick man film on
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The thing about relationships is they all teach us something. Everyone who comes into your life is here to teach you something. You just got to figure out what that something is and move forward.
As Dazmond said above - DO NOT DRINK.
NOT A SIP.
STAY OFF IT COMPLETELY.
It will only send you on a downward spiral.
Work more. Hit the gym.
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My first wife died after eating poisonous mushrooms, tragic really.
My second wife also died but of head injuries......................... she wouldn’t eat her mushrooms!
I got over it though.
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Been through it a couple of times and being self employed can be a god send as you are your own boss but can also be a downfall. My advice would be too work hard and don't kid yourself on being "friends". Take one day as it comes and it will get easier.
Failing all of that buy an extreme pole and start a relationship with the pole.
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About 6 years ago now my ex turned round to me and said I want you to leave.
We have 3 kids together.
I left ended back up at my mums house at 32 years old.
I lost my job as I couldn't face it, I lost my home, everything I had worked for and I lost contact with my kids. To stick the boot in further I found out she was with someone else.
To say I was upset was an understatement, I was suicidal, I couldn't sleep for months I was on anti depressants and sleeping pills.
That was the lowest point of my life.
For the first week I did not eat anything, I remember going to the shop and buying load of smooothies lol as it was the only thing I could swallow, it's the shock.
But here's the thing... There's no magic formula, no cure... Unfortunately all you can do is endure and eventually the pain subsides. I walked around in a daze, I felt lost.
But you know what as cliche as it sounds when you get beat down to your knees like that it does make you stronger. I started my business on the back of that break up, once I had recovered a bit I used it to drive me to succeed.
Fast forward to today and I have a business a new home, new partner and 2 more kids!
So yeah, believe me I feel your pain but you will get though it just keep going and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Two things I did, not straight away but after maybe a couple of months... I joined a gym and went everyday, I got into the best shape of my life in the months following. I also binge watched motivational and philosophy videos on you tube. (try a bit of Eric Thomas). That really helped me.
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there is a old clean it up proverb dump replace with 2 sounds a bit harsh but that's how it goes chin up focus on your work good luck.
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Maybe a hot system might help you get through this hard time?
Best of luck with it all, sure you’ll get through :)
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Will this get better and what advice would you give?
Cheers.
The answer is yes!
The only advice is don't sink into drink. Try to get up with a 'go-to' attitude. The world is out there, with regards work and pursuing work related goals, and regarding your personal and romantic life.
I have had my fair share I guess of broken relationships, and in hindsight the break-ups were the best thing to happen to me. They were definitely the start of one door closing another one opening. Problem was, I couldn't see it for that at the time.
I remember asking someone that very question that you've asked at the end of one relationship in particular, now I just know that girl and me aren't/wern't suited and the thought of being with her now horrifies me. I wouldn't dream of going anywhere near her now in a romantic sense.
You'll look back in time and hopefully see your situation in a similar light in time. For today, remember the shit times with her
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There have been some really good reply’s.
All I would say is keep getting up in the morning and do as much work as you are able. If at the moment all that you can do is 3 cleans then do that. Don’t beat yourself up. Do that go home, and next day do the same again. When you feel you can do more up it by a few more cleans.
If you do that systematically over a few months you will be fine.
Just keep getting up.
Also if you do get stuck call a counsellor and pay £30 and see someone. It’s good to talk. Counselling has helped me a lot in tough times
But keep getting up!
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Why is everybody going down the gym AFTER a break up?
Just an observation.
There is good advice given too. Best one is avoid the booze whatever you do.
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If your sure your finished with this relationship a few hypnosis sessions witha suitably skilled hypnotherapist could speed up the healing process. Not for everyone but could work for some.
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This isn't advice its just the ramblings of a 66 year old geezer.
I've had this situation three times and each time it became easier to accept but still very painful, it was like an old friend to me, revisiting and knocking at my door. The worst time for me was through the night when one wakes at 2.30 am with that feeling as though your heart has been ripped out and also the realisation you're not with the one you love. She's on your mind all the time, what went wrong, could i have been a better husband, i want her back?
To be honest, and when i was younger, and it was easier then, i found being in female company took my mind off it. I don't mean unloading on someone, i mean, i used to pull someone down the pub or a club just to be in female company.
If i were you i would avoid listening seriously to "throw-away comments" from people who deserve to be alone, but just remember that it's your ex's loss.
If you feel the need to have a drink, go out and socialise, meet new people and try enjoy yourself. People you know will depress the hell out of you and constantly remind you of your situation. Don't drink at home alone
Good luck my friend, hope the wounds heal soon.
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Drink will only deepen the mood your in. I would suggest packing it in all together. When I go out, which is rare I only have one beer. Quite happy with that. Drive there, drive back, no hang over etc and no wasted cash.
Everyone has been through it an we all get over it but it is very rough. Chin up an keep moving forward mate.
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I feel for u mate, ive been through this hurt myself in the past, i couldn't stop thinking about her after the break, it was very hard but i just had to throw myself into the job, there was nothing else. Maybe being on here after work, in the evening will help keep your mind off it. Its going to be a sh*t time for you for while mate, but you can take solace in the fact that i will get easier as time goes by. Good luck m
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I feel for u mate, ive been through this hurt myself in the past, i couldn't stop thinking about her after the break, it was very hard but i just had to throw myself into the job, there was nothing else. Maybe being on here after work, in the evening will help keep your mind off it. Its going to be a sh*t time for you for while mate, but you can take solace in the fact that i will get easier as time goes by. Good luck m
This is an interesting article about relationship breakups.
https://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/why-breakups-are-harder-for-men-more-women-than-men-are-initiators-of-breakups-35693115.html
So what you are going through is what most men will experience in this situation. As others have said, the cut will heal eventually but its up to you not the carry the scar into the rest of your life and into any future new relationship. Things will get harder if there are children involved as you will still need to communicate on a civil level, but remaining friends doesn't always happen except in fiction. This will usually come from her side and is just a way of softening the blow she is dealing.
If the person concerned has a controlling nature then this can also been seen by them as a way of getting control back. I see Angelina Jolie as one of these women. 'I'll show you whose boss' attitude.
The other thing is to be wary about mutual friends you may have. This is often when friends take sides and confiding in a person you think is a friend could well be taking that info back to the ex.
There may also be other things at play here that you know nothing about; yet. Women are much better at hiding things than men are.
But no matter what, what doesn't come out in the wash will come out in the drier.
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Get stuck into something else pronto.
Best thing for a broken heart is finding someone else.
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It doesn’t come overnight but you need to look at the situation how it is,not being harsh but if she doesn’t want to be with you anymore no matter how much you drink cry or wallow will make no difference to you’re situation.
Few years time you’ll thank her,imagine that being the same situation after 30 odd years,all these things happen for a reason in my mind.
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A weekend in DAM should sort you out ;D
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Why is everybody going down the gym AFTER a break up?
Just an observation.
There is good advice given too. Best one is avoid the booze whatever you do.
the gym is not for everyone (as some guys just cant stand them)but for some of us having a healthy interest in something that can bring a positive change(physically and mentally)is a good thing,esp when going through a difficult time in our personal lives,it gives us something to focus on.....couple that with good nutrition and a solid work routine THATS SUITS US(which you can do when your self employed)it can help us through a rough patch....
relying on friends you ve known all your life can be the kiss of death esp if your friends are mainly alcoholics/addicts/party animals.....ive been there many times in the past,in my 20s and early 30s and i just ended up wasted and feeling even worse while my life just spiralled out of control,debts mounting up,business going down the pan,nearly getting evicted,etc....i did get a few cheap thrills from sleeping with a few crazy women though but even that wore off after a while.... ;D
my grandad always said to me when i was younger..."look after number 1 first".....i didnt know what he meant really....but i do now.....you need to take care of yourself first......
AA meetings were also a great source of hope,inspiration,comfort,laughter and inner peace and strength for many years rather than going down the pub yet again.......
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Happen once to me in 1990, just got on with it then realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me ….....What a crab, mate I was out every night more football more pub time and then I met the love of my life and after a very long engagement (17 years) we got married. Carry on and stop looking backwards.
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after a very long engagement (17 years) we got married.
17 year engagement? Thats slower than your window cleaning...
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Hi James
Some great replies and support.
Take a look at goodguystogreatmen.com you'll find some excellent advice, general idea is... it's not about her or anyone else it's about you, become the person YOU want to be, not someone pleasing someone else, I could go on but easier to visit the site.
Another great reference (not implying you need or want to) is "The easy way to Control Alcohol" - couldn't believe how easy it was - still in shock LOL!
HTH
John
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Get a dog a camper van do four days a week work and out with camper for 3 days ,tell you something you wont get any bitching from your dog just unconditional love ,i love my dogs more than my two grown up kids and my wife of 30 odd years 🙂👍
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Get a dog a camper van do four days a week work and out with camper for 3 days ,tell you something you wont get any bitching from your dog just unconditional love ,i love my dogs more than my two grown up kids and my wife of 30 odd years 🙂👍
i guess your missus doesnt read CIU....... ;D
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Get a dog a camper van do four days a week work and out with camper for 3 days ,tell you something you wont get any bitching from your dog just unconditional love ,i love my dogs more than my two grown up kids and my wife of 30 odd years 🙂👍
i guess your missus doesnt read CIU....... ;D
The dogs do though.
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Correct 😁👍
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My missus said to me, if I go on CIU one more time she's going to leave me!
I am really going to miss her ;D
Get out of bed! Shower! Shave! Get out the house! Don't drink! Meet women!
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😁😁😁😁
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https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Rational-Male-Audiobook/B01E61BELW?qid=1574890593&sr=1-1&pf_rd_p=c6e316b8-14da-418d-8f91-b3cad83c5183&pf_rd_r=JEKCHXHN8C2NTA0P561M&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1
Listen to that. At least 2-3 times.
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How you getting on?
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You’d better potter over to pornhub, he’s far more likely to be there, than here, these days.
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been there myself and there no easy fix and to try tell you what todo
you will work though it slowly and will come out the otherside of it a better person
as a parting gift i brought my ex a one-way ticket in a hot air balloon >:( ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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I haven't been there so no idea what its lile personally, but friends have been through it.
A few different and conflicting pieces of advice there, my advice is indulge in things you enjoy, keep up with your business and aa for drink, as someone else said drive to the pub, have 1 beer then on to soft drinks. The last thing you need is lots of alcohol, it may seem like your best friend, but its not. It just makes you more depressed, and the last thing you need is a drink drive court case on your hands.
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All this talk about being driven to drink by a woman,if she heard you were down the pub drowning your sorrows she’d probably laugh about it. If someone doesn’t want to be with you if you go out if you’re way to get her back it would be out of pity or persuasion why she would return and who wants to live there life like that,all these sayings plenty more fish and all that when you get a bit older you realise how wise some of these old boys were when you were younger telling you that lol.
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I have been through it . my ex wife left , and we had 3 children together . at the time my oldest daughter was heavily pregnant with our first grandchild.
I had my 2 youngest children most of the time , and even though I was dying inside , I had to carry on and be strong.
my advice is this
1..... keep busy, and set small goals. take each day as it comes … YOU WILL look back and realise you are healing, all beit gradually.
2..... learn to be on your own, as hard as it is , this will benefit you when you do meet someone else . you will become a better , stronger person.
6 years on for me … met my partner 2 and a half years ago... getting married next year.
I can not express how far I have come, what iv learnt about life and myself... and also how content and happy I am
good luck with the healing , and remember …. LITTLE STEPS
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and remember …. LITTLE STEPS
This is so spiritual. What excellent advice.
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and remember …. LITTLE STEPS
This is so spiritual. What excellent advice.
had plenty 0f time to think
I was to blame in many ways also.