Clean It Up

UK Floor Cleaning Forum => Carpet Cleaning Forum => Topic started by: Doctor Carpet (Ret'd) on August 15, 2012, 05:00:45 pm

Title: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Doctor Carpet (Ret'd) on August 15, 2012, 05:00:45 pm
Phone rings...

"Hi Mate. I've bought myself a vax and I was just wondering if I could pay you to come and clean my carpets"

Me:" Er.....with your machinery?"

Him: "Oh yes, Ive got all the professional gear and I've bought the chemicals as well. I just want you to clean the carpets because you know what you're doing."

Me: "I can provide my own equipment-I think you'll find it does a better job."

Him: "No, my equipment is fine. I'll pay you £15."

Me: (dazed silence)

End of call.

I'm not normally stuck for words but.....................well, I suppose it takes all sorts.

Rog
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: garry22 on August 15, 2012, 05:11:58 pm
I guess this is one of those situations where with hindsight, you could think of lots of funny replies.

I would imagine that you were so taken aback that you probably could not think of anything apt at the time?
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Doug Holloway on August 15, 2012, 05:33:36 pm
Hi Guys

People that start off by calling me 'mate' have failed one of my filters and as such are unlikely to find me working for them. ;D

Cheers

Doug
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Mike Halliday on August 15, 2012, 06:03:27 pm
Mate, buddy, kiddo, .......all these can cause me to lose reception on my phone and have to end the call.

Even calls from mobile phones can be ended abruptly, I might be pessimistic but I never seem to get calls from OAPs or quality homes who are using a mobile, they tend to use the landline in thier homes.
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Shaun_Ashmore on August 15, 2012, 06:26:30 pm
Normally I would agree with you mike but a few days ago I had a mobile call from a gentleman with a 7 bed house that needed cleaning.

Shaun

Ps have you had your op yet?
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Andrew Briscoe on August 15, 2012, 06:39:46 pm
I get loads of call from a mobile, usually builders, site managers & landlords etc,
i would be damned if i didnt answer them, its usually commercial and adds upto 65%
of our work.

I find oaps call on a private number, as many are ex-directory

Andrew

ps, hope your back on your feet soon Mike
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Shaun_Ashmore on August 15, 2012, 06:48:23 pm
I went to get some solution hoses fixed yesterday the guy looked at them and then said,"just a carpet cleaner?" I laughed and reply "what do you mean just a carpet cleaner?", he meant that they weren't for sewage as he was having something to eat at the time.

Shaun
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Mike Halliday on August 15, 2012, 06:52:10 pm
it must  just be me then :-\

but the calls i get on mobiles are usually just chavs & price shoppers.

I'm now at the point unless the phone number starts 86..87..84 (signifying my preferred area of work) i don't stop work and just let voice mail  pick it up.

 
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: derek west on August 15, 2012, 07:15:05 pm
I've done a search for numbers one to five but can't find any???  I've only been out for the day. :'(
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Neil Williams on August 15, 2012, 07:26:16 pm
I've done a search for numbers one to five but can't find any???  I've only been out for the day. :'(

Did you get my text? Or are you just ignoring everyone ;D
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: wynne jones on August 15, 2012, 07:32:18 pm
Mate, buddy, kiddo, .......all these can cause me to lose reception on my phone and have to end the call.

Even calls from mobile phones can be ended abruptly, I might be pessimistic but I never seem to get calls from OAPs or quality homes who are using a mobile, they tend to use the landline in thier homes.

Every time someone rings for a quote as says. I'd like a quote please 'my friend'. You know you have a time vampire on your hands who will mess you about. After many years I sometimes think I have a sixth sense. Who will cancel the night before, who wants a discount for CAAASSSHHH, who will still have the kiddies toys all over the floor when you turn up. etc
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: clinton on August 16, 2012, 07:48:42 am
Thats one for the book then roger.....

One of the most amusing stories i have heard in our business.. ;D
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: mark_roberts on August 16, 2012, 06:58:16 pm
Im with you on the mate thing.

Id say 50% of the emails I get for a quote are something like this

can u give me a price for getting a carpet cleaned.

And thats it.

They are deleted without reply.

Mark
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: mark_roberts on August 16, 2012, 07:01:19 pm
Ways to insult a carpet cleaner.


Me: thats us finished would you care to have a look?
Customer: thats great but what about that bit in the middle its not the same as under the sofa.
Me: thats the wear and fading I was telling you about at the start.
Customer: do you think it would come off if I used vanish?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Mark
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Craigp on August 16, 2012, 08:56:03 pm
I used to get those incredibly dumb emails, so a few years ago I removed my email from my website. Now I get none, they have to phone.

Trust me you won't miss anything, get shot of it,  :D

Craig
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Carpet Dawg on August 16, 2012, 09:10:22 pm
I used to reply to those "how much to clean my carpets" or "what are your charges" emails, I very rarely got a reply back when I asked for more details.

People are very strange.
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: gary hall on August 17, 2012, 05:21:45 am
Best one I had was a client in St George Hill ( big house - loads of money !) - when I was doing initial assement, lady complained that her cleaner ( !) had broken her £550 microwave , and could I have a look at it -  had a fiddle - and told her it was not switched on at the plug !!!!!!!!!!!

After a bit of old chat she turned round and said to me " you seem like an intelligent person , why are you cleaning carpets ?" I nearly ped my self laughing - put an extra 10% on the quote - she went for it - so did  job and it worked out at about £120.00 per hour - and as she was paying me  - I thought that's why I'm a carpet cleaner, and if she was so intelligent why DOESN'T she BECOME  a carpet cleaner -

"people are strange when your a stranger " THE DOORS 1968
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Jim_77 on August 17, 2012, 02:03:00 pm
Gary, legendary ;D


Quote
I used to get those incredibly dumb emails, so a few years ago I removed my email from my website. Now I get none, they have to phone.

Trust me you won't miss anything, get shot of it,  Cheesy

Craig

Couldn't agree more!
Title: Re: Ways to insult a Professional Carpet Cleaner No. 6
Post by: Shaun_Ashmore on August 17, 2012, 05:42:52 pm
Paul ashworth removed his contact form and emails from his website he also said that it go rid of people asking for a lounge carpet clean 7 metres by 7 metres approx in a terraced house!

Shaun