Clean It Up
UK Window Cleaning Forum => Window Cleaning Forum => Topic started by: AuRavelling79 on November 10, 2005, 06:22:35 pm
-
"BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-IIIIIIIII-IIIIIIII-NNN-NG"
My alarm clock wakes me and I throw back the candlewick bedspread, put my feet on the cold lino, run downstairs and light the fire. The kettle on the gas ring soon boils and after "wet shaving" over a sink of cold water I make a pot of tea. Pour it through the strainer, see if the milkman has been - yes - and add some silver top to the brew.
Listening to the Light Programme on the wireless I wolf down my porridge - with sugar now the rationing has ended - and strut out to the motorcycle and sidecar to put my ladders on it (best oak stiles with yew rungs, understrung with galvanised wire).
Yesterdays "West Country Clarion" has been cut into squares for buffing the glass and my scrim is beaten with a stick, boiled, dried on the washing line, pressed with a flat iron and neatly folded.
I put on my flat cap, draw heavily on my "Capstan Full Strength" and kick-start the mighty 600cc Panther single into life. With a thud from the piston as I pass every lamp-post I'm off to my first call.
Tugging on the bell-pull I doff my cap with a cheery "G'd morning ma'am" and set to work. Whistling the latest skiffle tune from that young wag George Formby I'm just finishing when the master of the house steps out - briefcase in one hand and starting handle in the other.
"I say my man - I don't think that is a very appropriate tune to be whistling in this kind of neighbourhood do you?" He asked me rhetorically. He hands me half-a-crown and says "Compliments of the season - there's an extra shilling included for you - buy each of your children an orange." Then he proceeds to the garage to start up his Austin Ruby.
"Cor thanks Guv'nor!" I say, tugging my forelock and marvelling at his generosity. "I'll come back on the weekend and send me six year old up yer chimney and get the soot out for you!"
I jauntily trot down the path and espie a young buck with a squeegee and a mop getting out of his ex-Post Office Vauxhall Viva (Bedford) HA van. Cupping one hand to my mouth I shout "Oi, you! - Yes you - you mincing pooftah!"
The young window cleaner turns to me warily "Who me?"
Me: "Wot yew playin' at with this new-fangled equipment? You'll give us proper shiners a bad name with all that water drippin' off the cills! G'wan - clear orff before I clip your ear!"
I walk tall, kick-start my Panther into life and ride off into the sunset firmly beleiving I am keeping the tradition alive! ;D
-
"""""""""""""""""""EXCELLENT"""""""""""""""""""""
10/10
you the man 8)
-
You`re wasted cleaning windows.
Gerry.
-
Malk.
You deserve an oscar.
In fact get into comedy writting.
I've had a right good belly laugh and still chuckling now mate.
Post some more epsoides and keep the laughter rolling.
Nel.
-
It was funny but very wide of the mark.
My Dad cleaned windows trad. for over 30 years and he did ok.
Apart from the knee replacement operation .......his bad hip and oh, he can`t grip with his hands so well.
-
It was political satire boy !!!!
-
Get away :o.
Not very political though.
-
political enough for these here parts
-
You are all too kind! :)
-
Excellent Dude 8)
-
Pure class. 5 star pure class.
And you made a very valid point.
-
Well done Malc, I really enjoyed that....gonna have to try and do one myself now ;)
And, as Ross said, a very valid point made too.
Ian
-
wicked pal [50 yr old trying to keep up with the times]
gaza
-
UNADULTERATED CONCEITED TRASH!!
Well, everyone needs at least 1 critic ;D
Pj
-
MORPH/PJ
You forgot to put in "ATTENTION SEEKING" ;D
-
Not often I come over to this board, glad I did today.
That was a piece of literary genius, brought back memories of the good old days
excellent ;D ;D ;D
-
MORPH/PJ
You forgot to put in "ATTENTION SEEKING" ;D
Too harsh! too harsh!
I sought merely to sidestep a little from this blandiloquence, knowing such a literary prodigy would not feign such fawning obsequiousness.
"Odds fish, Sir!" You find me out....another sycophant.
Absolutely marvellous daaaaarling. ::) ::)
Pj
-
You're welcome here Exoclean - why don't you post a topic here about networking to gain business?
-
Brill ;D you have my approval I take my hat off to you ;D ;)
-
Hi Malc,
I will try again one day to create a program where window cleaners such as yourself could work together with cleaners of different disciplines such as carpet cleaners, domestic cleaners and external cleaners.
Having tried it on the "General" board without much success I thought to let it lie low for a while before attacking it again.
Best Regards
Paul
PS I will look out for any other gems you post
-
No response to my soliloquizing Malc.
I was only teasing, sorry to resort to this low rate communication.
Entertaining story, though rather confused, and inaccurate in period references. Got the message straight away, but chose the moral high ground, in a manner of speaking.
Pj
(Fellow thespian)
-
Hi Morph!
No need to over-analyse. I'm fully aware of the Victorian, pre and post WW2 references, late 1960's too - and simply used a bit of hyperbole to make the point and as you say - entertain. :D
-
Wow i like this ;D
We could use writers like you.
JCC
-
Who's "we" pp JCC?
-
It is jeremy clarkson
-
Don't get me all excited DSL - in a previous post "ppJCC" claims to be a "junior researcher" - but hey I'm open to offers to write for them! (Or PWC if Philip Hanson is reading!)
(Told you "attention seeking" was a dig that should have been aimed at me! ;D
-
Hi, I am a "junior", but, it would be good to have someone truly whitty writing for the show though, seeing what we of the better sex have to put up with.
http://www.thefword.org.uk/news/july2003
JCC
-
;D Off to Beeb 2 now - speak again!
-
did any one get past the 1st paragraph without skipping to the red "x" in the corner?
-
;D Off to Beeb 2 now - speak again!
Hey Ho! The dizzy heights of stardom Malc!
Keep your feet on the ground, never loose touch with your roots.
Pj
-
Hey Ho! The dizzy heights of stardom Malc!
Keep your feet on the ground, never loose touch with your roots.
Pj
Thank you for the reminder Pj. I'll bear in mind that it's wise to always be nice to people on the way up and not to lose sight of the probability that I might be glad of their help on the way back down. :D