A place to chat........
« on: August 20, 2005, 12:04:52 pm »
i didnt start this thread?


Moderator David@stives

  • Posts: 8829
A place to chat........
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2005, 07:25:04 pm »
Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a
cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the
streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by
the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then
suddenly he heard a strange noise.......



BUMP........










BUMP........











BUMP........










Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.











BUMP........











BUMP........











BUMP........











He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box
approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
clearly....It was a coffin.











Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started
walking briskly home.











BUMP........










BUMP........










BUMP........











He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
faster.........











BUMP........BUMP......











BUMP........BUMP.....










BUMP........BUMP......











The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he
heard the coffin speed up after him......











BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......










BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......











BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......










He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .










BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.











BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....












BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.











Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his
keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside
slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and
lumped into his comfy chair.










Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through
the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin
allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....












BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...










BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........












BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...












BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...










BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...











The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the
bathroom door flew off its hinges....

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
terrified lad.











BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...












BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...










BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...












In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
cabinet......

He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
coffin.......still it came .











BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...










He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....

Still it came......










BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came......











BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........











The coffin stopped.

Walter Pole

  • Posts: 199
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2005, 07:36:09 pm »
and then what happened?
taking panes to exceed expectations

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2005, 07:39:27 pm »
The 'Little un' thought that was hilarious - she's only nine.  She actually understood the joke for a change.

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2005, 07:52:08 pm »
Hey,

how's this for a sickner.

Last week I bought a backpack, poles, Brush, RO, water butt; and even gave Wor Lass time off work to wait for delivery.

Then I get a phone call from a local window cleaner, only been doing it for nearly a year who wants to sell his:

6 to 8 month old trolley system; (basic shurflo pump and battery) which he purchased for £1170,

A big bag of resin,

Two (225 litre) water butts

20 water jerry cans

A 100 Gallon a day RO for £250.

Two Ionic brushes and poles (one 18 ft, the other 4 ft)

All for the measley sum of £250!!

Well I couldn't say no - I've seen similar here being sold for around £650.

I just wish he'd phoned me last week!!!




Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2005, 08:10:36 pm »
Hi Tosh

You got a right bargain there mate, well done, it may have came abit late, but still a bargain.

Andrew

Chris Cottrell

  • Posts: 3162

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2005, 09:55:41 pm »
Evening all.

Sir Squeaky

  • Posts: 8341
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2005, 09:59:38 pm »
Evening Pj, or are you Pat tonight?

Quiet around here tonight.

No Dave, and haven't heard from the big G lately...

Moderator David@stives

  • Posts: 8829
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2005, 10:00:45 pm »
what ,where, when ,who    ;D

Chris Cottrell

  • Posts: 3162

Chris Cottrell

  • Posts: 3162
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2005, 10:22:03 pm »
Heelloooo

Am I all alone
Is there anyone out there?

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2005, 10:40:39 pm »
You lookin' at me?


I SAID...ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT ME?

You lookin' at me eh?

(I didn't give me the name Pea Jay)

Chris Cottrell

  • Posts: 3162
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2005, 10:45:03 pm »
Eh you looking at me then



eh

eh

cum on less be avin you then

Sir Squeaky

  • Posts: 8341
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2005, 10:48:29 pm »
So you don't want to be called Sweet Pea?

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2005, 10:53:19 pm »
See now here's a thing, right...

Sir Squeaky

  • Posts: 8341
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2005, 10:54:27 pm »
I see you said semi colons are useful; Dave wasn't happy with his colon recently...

Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2005, 11:03:50 pm »
He could have ended up with a semi; :(

Mike_Boxall

  • Posts: 1394
Re: A place to chat........
« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2005, 11:12:11 pm »
10/10 David ............ ;D