Excuse me one second whilst I post some rascist comments
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, poope!"
Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were discussing the infidelity of their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician", said the Englishman, "because I found an electrician's toolbox under her bed last night." "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber", said the Scotsman, "because last night I found a plunger under her bed". "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse", said the Irishman, "because last night I found a jockey under her bed."
n Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar. Suddenly, a fly dives into their beers. The Englishman says, "Barman, a fly just dived into my beer. Bring me another one." The Englishman got another beer. The Irishman says, "Ah, to hell with it," and empties his pint, fly and all. The Scotsman pulls the fly out of his beer, shakes it up and down, and screams, "Spit it out, damn you! Spit it out!" (This time playing on the stereotypical Scottish thriftiness.)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all walking along together when they encounter a slide in front of a pool. The Englishman decides to give it a try and shouts as he slides down "Beer!" and lands in a pool of beer. The Scotsman sees this and has a go himself. As he slides down cries out "Whisky!", and lands in a pool of whisky. The Irishman, having seen this, decides to have a go to, as it looks like fun. As he slides down, he cries out "Weeeeeee!"
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman turns around and says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman both walk into a bar. Paddy Irishman ducks under it.
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The Rabbi stops and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke".
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman has a sword, the Scotsman has an axe, and the Irishman has a bomb. The Englishman throws his sword out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy crying. "Oh, what is the matter, poor child?" "A sword flew out of the sky and it landed on my father..." the boy sobs. The Englishman walks home. The Scotsman throws his axe out the window and walks home. On his way home, he finds a little girl crying. "Dear lass, what's the matter?" he asks. "An axe fell out of the sky and it landed on my brother..." The Scotsman walks home. The Irishman throws his bomb out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy laughing hysterically. "What's so funny, lad?" he asks. "I went to the loo and my house blew up.
