[the red carpet]

hi all,
i am in the process of sorting out my website and preparing a customer information pack to leave with prospective customers, and have just finished a "ABOUT US" page to be used in both.

i thought i would post it on here for a couple of reasons.

1. it may be of use to others.
2. some of you may have somthing to add to it to make it better.
3. my spelling and puntuation are usless and some of you may be able to point out any mistakes i have made.



Firstly let me thank you for taking the time to read this information pack .My name is Daniel Mcpharlane and i am the proprietor of "THE RED CARPET" I actually came across the carpet cleaning business by accident when some years ago, I had my own carpets cleaned by one of the many companies that distribute cheap leaflets through the door offering 1/2 price cleaning, and let me tell you "NEVER AGAIN"

The cleaner turned up with a machine similar in size to somthing i could have hired from the local diy shop to carry out the work myself. After he had finished CLEANING? the lounge, I realised that not only had he left the carpet soaking wet, but there were also patches of carpet that had not been touched and were still dry.

Needless to say i asked him to leave there and then and forget about cleaning the rest of the house.


The whole process from him arriving to him driving away again took about 25 minutes. I realised there and then, that there was a opening in the market for discerning customers who would be happy to pay a slightly higher, but still very competitive price for a job well done. Carried out by polite professional personal, who took there time and took pride in there work.

And so i started "THE RED CARPET" with the aim of establishing my company as the first choice for discerning customers in my local area.

We aim to treat all our customers like our only customers, and you can expect to recieve the same level of service no matter if we are cleaning a small rug, or a six storey office block.

All our staff are fully trained and insured and you can be assured they will treat you with the utmost respect at all times.
Our aim is  to provide 100% customer satisfaction. As only in this way will we be able to generate customer referrals, which every business needs to survive. I am happy to say that a large amount of our business now comes in this manner and i aim to keep it that way.

I have to say there is a certain feeling of satisfaction knowing that your customers are coming to you because you are good at what you do and not simply because you are the cheapest out there.

[The Great One]

Hi

Just my 2p worth...

People don't really want to know how or why you do it, they just want it done, also some people will use the cheapo guys.

You say 'Slightly higher', they read that as 'expensive'.

The last 2 paragraph are too much kissing up.

Just tell people why your the best, what seperates you from others, etc

Regards

Martin

[the red carpet]

hi martin,
this is just the first page of a information pack i am making up to leave with customers after i go out to quote.
they will allready know the price, its really aimed at the ones that say il get back to you and never do.

I think it will also give me a better chance of keeping customers that book up in advance and then cancell when they find a cheaper price. At least with me they will know what they will get for there money.

It will have.

About us.
Frequently asked questions.
The cleaning process.
Before and after pictures.
Why choose us/What makes us different.

And probably a bit more, still working on it at the minute

The main reason is to stand out from the crowd and give them confidence in my service, and also show them that they will get value for money

[scott.]

Hi
My 2p's worth too
In my experience, and certainly from the customers I've had so far via the website, they are mostly after contact details...and a degree of assurance that you work in their area...forget spending hundreds of quid on a flashy website...try and make it different from the rest...it works....are you doing it yourself, or getting it done for you??  need any advice on using front page, publisher, or hosting...ftp etc...gimme a shout

[Eureka Ventures]

There is something about the style and first person narrative that I feel will make most punters warm to you ahead of meeting you face to face.

The "my cleaner was so rubbish it would be difficult to do worse" storyline tells the customer what initially spured you into action. Then you go on to suggest that you will not make the same mistake with your customers, having suffered it first hand. In effect fate and a dash of good luck has conspired to make your paths cross, and you are determined/passionate that it should be to mutual benefit. It's pure romance!

Grammar
Paragraph 4 ...their (not there) time ...pride in their (not there) work

Paragraph 6 ...level of service whether or not we are cleaning

Good luck

Freddie

[neil 47]

Red

 

cheap leaflets

"NEVER AGAIN"

i could have hired from the local diy shop to carry out the work myself.

carpet soaking wet

happy to pay a slightly higher

I,m not trying to be negative  BECAUSE you seem to have beaten me to it       

Neil
 

[JS2]

Hi Colleague

Sorry, I'm either not noticing your name or you're not stating it anywhere !

Just a personal note however, the continuous "I / We / Our" theme may be a little too strong and overwhelming.  Are you a team ('We/Us') or a sole operator ('I') ?  Somehow the article comes over to me in an unconvincing way.  How about portraying your professional approach and responsibilities to CC, and not promoting youself relative to less-than-professional competitors.

Again, just my view.

Good luck with the expansion of your venture.

Pete (JS2)