I would be a consultant. Not sure in what, but it's money for old rope.
I signed up, a couple of years ago, to a scheme that WAG was running to have your IT needs assessed.
A guy turned up at my workshop, we had a 20 min chat about computers and a cup of tea and left.
I was sent a copy of his consultation report and he'd writen down, almost word for word, my opinions on my computer needs (he had rurned it into a 5 page report though).
I later found out, by accident, that he was paid £500 for each one.